Her Unplanned Life
by ARollins
Summary: Amanda Rollin's life wasn't planned. She didn't expect to fall in love with anyone. Not her captain nor her partner, especially one that was the same gender as herself. Things go from good to the ultimate worse as Amanda and Olivia's relationship progresses. Amanda's past catches up to her, and it's up to Olivia to save her before it's too late. Can she do it?
1. From Atlanta to New York

**Her Unplanned Life.**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Amanda Rollins, or the characters associated with this story. It belongs to the rightful owners of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. No copyright infringement intended. Just a fan fiction I have been thinking about doing for a while.

**A/N:** This is my first ever fan-fiction, so please be nice and tell me if I am doing anything wrong (: Thank you.

Amanda Rollin's life was unplanned. She didn't plan on falling in love with her captain. She didn't plan on getting into a situation where she was assaulted by the deputy chief of Atlanta Police Department, and she definitely didn't plan on becoming a gambler.

It was a recent discovery that she had that addiction – she hadn't realised it had gotten so bad, she almost wouldn't have, if it wasn't for the fact that she went to bank to get some money out to be told that she was in debt by thousands of dollars. It made her realise that she had to get help – that, or have a new start.

She knew that the chemistry between her and her captain was inappropriate. He was married, he was her _captain_. It wouldn't have worked, nor would it be allowed. Things went bad from worse when the Deputy Chief had touched her incongruously. Even if he was drunk, he shouldn't have done it. Just thinking about it made Amanda want to run away. She was far too scared to tell anyone – she had told her captain, Sam Reynolds, but he wasn't much help – he told her to press charges, but Amanda knew that if she did things would get worse for her. She would be classed as a Rat. No one wanted that image in the Police department. So she had to get out of there. And that was what she did.

Sam transferred her to the Manhattan Special Victims Unit. The 1-6 precinct. It was a big change, from Atlanta, Georgia to Manhattan, New York. The population was larger, it was at least 15 hours away from her family and friends, and of course the fact that she didn't know anyone. Sam had assured her that the Captain, Donald Cragen was a wonderful man, and he would help her settle in, but it didn't stop her from being scared. But she knew she had to do it – she had to get her life in order, even though it was hard to leave behind her life, her home, and her love.

She said goodbye to everyone without shedding a tear. It was hard, there was no doubt it, but she knew she couldn't get upset, because it would make it harder to leave. It was especially hard to say goodbye to her sister, whom was currently lying in a mental hospital, trying to recover from her mental illness. Amanda promised her that she would try and visit her as often as possible, but Ashley knew that it wouldn't be that often, considering it was such a long trip, and it wasn't like she had the money to travel often anyway. Any money she had was being put into her bank account and to loan sharks. She didn't want any trouble in that department.

It took a whole a week to move to New York – her apartment was small compared to her last one, so it took a while to move everything around to make everything fit. Luckily Sam had helped her by hiring a truck to move all her stuff. She would be forever grateful that – she knew how much he would have to suffer if his wife found out. Amanda knew she would be a whole lot better if she just forgot about it, so moving all her things into her new apartment took her mind off things. Her apartment consisted of a medium sized bedroom, enough to fit a double bed, a side drawer and a set of clothes drawers. One bathroom with a shower and toilet. A kitchen that could probably only hold one person at any time, and a lounge that fitted one couch, and her TV unit. It was small, but it was a good price, and it wasn't like Amanda was looking for a relationship that meant bringing someone home.

It took Amanda a while to actually settle into her apartment – but it wasn't long until she realised that she was going to be here for a long time, so she had better settle in now, or she never would.


	2. Ready To Work

**Chapter Two**

**Her Unplanned Life.**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Amanda Rollins, or the characters associated with this story. It belongs to the rightful owners of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. No copyright infringement intended. Just a fan fiction I have been thinking about doing for a while.

**A/N: **Thank you for the reviews – I appreciate it so much! Keep them coming. (: And just so people know, I won't be going into much detail about what happens in the shows – I mean I will use some scenes, but other than that, I want to make it my own if you know what I mean. Thanks!

On the day that she was meant to start early, Amanda woke up almost two hours before her alarm was due to go off. She was so excited, yet she was really scared and nervous. She knew what it was like to start a new job – no one knew here, no one knew why she was there, and she did her research – she knew that she was coming in to replace one of their own, Elliot Stabler. It was going to be hard to adjust as it was, without bringing into the fact that people might be hostile towards her, because they loved their old Detective so much.

After Amanda had her shower to wake herself up properly, she spent the morning trying on different outfits. She tried on black dress pants, with a black blazer. She tried on blue jeans and a black jacket. Neither of those worked – it wasn't until she put on black jeans, a white blouse and her favourite brown leather jacket that she was fully satisfied with what she was wearing. Next was her hair. Up? Down? In a ponytail? A bun? She was so nervous that she had to do her hair about ten times before she knew it was going to be perfect. In the end she decided that up in a bun would be perfect – it meant that her hair wouldn't get in her way if she had to chase down a perp, but it also meant that everyone would be able to see her face.

Amanda glanced at her watch – the time was 7:30 am. She had half an hour before she was due to start work, and she hadn't had breakfast yet. She sighed impatiently, knowing that she didn't have time. But she knew she couldn't work on an empty stomach, so she went into her closeted kitchen, and flicked on her coffee machine. A coffee was better than nothing, and god knows she needed it. She hardly got any sleep last night, with the anticipation of what today was going to bring. She put a piece of bread in the toaster too – she knew that would only take a couple of minutes. When it popped out of the toaster, and her coffee machine clicked to let her know it was ready, Amanda poured herself a mug and put the toast in her mouth. She chomped on it pretty quickly, knowing that she was pushing for time.

She walked over to her lounge, taking sips of her coffee as she went, eyeing her boxes of her personal things that she was going to take to the Precinct with her. One had photos of her and her sister, one with her parents, and one with her old unit. It also had a giant mug, which she took to every work place, and a toothbrush and toothpaste, just in case they had an all-nighter, which she was used too back in Atlanta. The other had many pens, a couple of empty notepads, her wallet and her lucky medallion that Sam had given her when she broke her first major case. She took that everywhere she went. Beside the boxes were her gun which was in the holster, and her detective's badge. She smiled lightly as she continued to eat her toast and drink her coffee.

Once she was done, she glanced at her watch once more, knowing that she had to leave now, or she would be late for the first day of her new job. She picked up her gun and badge, and put them on her jeans. She grabbed her box of items, and then made her way to the door, picking up her keys from the key hanger just before she exited her apartment. She got onto the elevator, which happened to be just outside her door, and pressed the button to go down to the parking lot. It didn't take long, but with the time that she was stuck on the elevator, Amanda used it to prep talk herself. _You'll do fine Amanda! You're a fine detective. You can take on any case, and you'll do your best. Sam wouldn't have transferred you here, if he didn't think you could hack it. You'll be fine, _she told herself, over and over. She didn't know why she was so nervous, but thinking to herself seemed to do the trick, and by the time she got to her car, she was more excited than anything else.

It took about ten minutes to get from her apartment to the 1-6 precinct. She had taken the days that she had been her moving and her first day to mark out a route that would be quickest to take to work. She parked around the back, where she saw some uniforms heading towards, which she realised was for the staff to park. She grabbed her box, locked her car, and headed inside the building with no second thoughts. She was ready to do this – she was eager to please, and she was eager to do her job right.

Once she hit the right floor, she walked towards the 1-6 but she stopped at the second elevator, when she saw an older man looking hurried, and stressed. "Captain Cragen?" Amanda asked, her southern accent coming through strongly. "I'm Amanda Rollins, your new Detective," She told him, which made him look at her with a slight apologetic, yet hurried look on his face. "You picked a hell of a day to come. I'll fill you in when I get back," He told her, the elevator doors starting to close. Amanda merely shook her head. "I'm ready to work now," She told him, handing her boxes to a uniformed cop. "Here, take those in there," She commented, nodding her head towards the Special Victims Unit. "You can fill me in now," Amanda told Cragen, as she stepped into the elevator beside him, just before the doors finished closing.

Amanda was eager to start, and that was just what she was doing. There was no way she was going to miss out on anything, just because she chose the wrong time to come into work.


	3. Some Hooks

**Chapter Three**

**Her Unplanned Life.**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Amanda Rollins, or the characters associated with this story. It belongs to the rightful owners of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. No copyright infringement intended. Just a fan fiction I have been thinking about doing for a while.

**A/N: **Like I said in the last chapter, I'm not going to focus on what happens in the show too much. I want to work on Amanda's feelings rather what happens. Also, thanks for the reviews (: Obviously this is based on Season 13 Episode 1 – Scorched Earth

The morning wasn't like anything Amanda had expected. The first thing she came across was blood – it was a good thing that her stomach could pretty much hold everything, because she knew that being sick on an relatively empty stomach was not a good thing. She had met the Medical Examiner, Melinda Warner. She wished she could have met her on nicer circumstances, but seeing as the case involved a young maid getting sexually assaulted, chances were she was going to meet everyone due to the incident.

The rest of the day included listening to the other detectives that she had been just introduced to, that morning - Detective Odafin Tutuola and Sergeant John Munch. She wanted to take everything in, learn from them. She desperately wanted to show of her skills as a detective, but she knew she was only new here, so she didn't really have the right to step in and take control, so she just waited. She met other people that were assigned to the case – one being Assistant District Attorney, Alex Cabot. But the one person she did want to meet was Detective Olivia Benson.

When Amanda found out that she was getting transferred to the Special Victims Unit in Manhattan, New York, she decided to do some research, before she went. She had looked over past cases that the Unit had been involved in, and looked at all of the arrests made. She noted that their lead female Detective, Olivia Benson, was one of the more famous ones – she was known for her empathy with the victims, yet very hard on the suspects and bringing justice to the victims. Amanda liked that – it reminded her of herself, in a way.

Amanda had been waiting all day to meet here, but she knew of course that the case was a priority for Olivia, so she would be with the victim, getting her statement. When she did enter the Precinct, however, Amanda was blown away. She had seen pictures of her in the newspaper articles she had found, but she was no way prepared to see such a beautiful, well-presented women. Amanda hadn't realised she was staring at the female; it wasn't until Olivia spoke that she had snapped out of her little 'day-dream'. Olivia was talking to a uniformed cop, asking to take Miriam, the victim, away to get ready for a line up. It was then that Amanda stood from her desk and walked over to her.

"Olivia, I'm Amanda Rollins, I've just transferred here fro-," Amanda started to say, but then she interrupted by a distracted looking Olivia. "Dallas," Olivia finished, making Amanda bite her lip for a mere second. "Atlanta, actually… I've transferred from Atlanta," She corrected her with a small smile. "Do you like Distasio for this?" Amanda asked, referring to the Italian Diplomatic suspect that was currently in the Interview room with his Lawyer. Olivia blinked for a second before answering. "Well he was there," She responded after a moment. Amanda, detecting that there was going to be an awkward silence from that moment, cleared her throat slightly. "Well, I would just like to say, I am really happy to be here. I've studied a lot of your cases – I used some of your stuff that you used on the Brown Case – the infant homicide," Amanda told her, smiling. Olivia looked a little impatient – she didn't really want to be around Amanda, which Amanda understood. "Yeah, I haven't briefed the Captain it… But thank you," Olivia told her, before heading off towards the Cragen's office.

As Olivia headed of in the opposite direction, Amanda couldn't help but stare at her backside. _What the hell are you doing, Rollins? _Amanda thought as she tore her eyes away and decided that walking back to her desk was the best option right now. _It must be the lack of sleep, _Amanda thought to herself as she sat down, and continued with the paper work which lay unattended and unwanted before this moment. Amanda rubbed the back of her neck as she picked up on of her pen from the desk and started writing. She wished that the squad would catch up to technology, so she could at least type everything out – but she knew that wasn't an option, and at least it was keeping her mind of the bizarre thoughts she was having about the senior female detective. Amanda was certain it was because she didn't sleep well the night before, and the stress to impress had contributed to it, but she couldn't shake off the fact that she thought Olivia Benson was absolutely gorgeous.

. .

After the arraignment of Robert Distasio, the SVU squad thought it was a good idea to have a small celebration – or at least a few beers to ease of the stress that they had just encountered, trying to prosecute the Italian who had Diplomatic Immunity. When they arrived, Olivia was already there, sipping on a bottle of beer. When Amanda saw her, her heart flaunted a bit, causing her to take a deep breath, as she walked over to the bar. "Hey," Amanda managed to say with a smile as she walked past Olivia, and towards the bar, with Munch – Fin had stayed behind to talk to Olivia.

"Rheingold, please," Amanda ordered, just in time to overhear the conversation that Olivia and Fin were having. **"So what's her story? She must have some hooks to be transferred to here from Atlanta," **She heard Olivia saying, which made Amanda's heart drop a little more. **"She cool," **Fin responded, causing Amanda to smile just a little bit – at least someone was enjoying her presence. Amanda turned to Munch at this point, needing to get something off her chest before she exploded. "Is she always like this to newbies?" Amanda questioned him. John glanced at Olivia then back at Amanda over his glasses. "She's lost someone close to her – she'll come around. It might take her awhile, but she'll get used to you," He declared, picking up his beer, and slid Amanda's one over to her, turning to walk back to the table with Olivia and Fin. Amanda let out a small sigh, and did the same – just as Alex Cabot walked into a room, announcing the good news. "Good news – DNA came back, it's a match to Distasio," She pronounced. But her happy attitude didn't last long – her boss came in, and threw down the newspaper, causing everyone discomfort – Miriam was in it for the money. And with that, the beers were discarded and it was back to working on the case, leaving Amanda to ponder what Munch had just told her.


	4. In Deep

**Chapter Four**

**Her Unplanned Life.**

_**Disclaimer**__: I do not own Amanda Rollins, or the characters associated with this story. It belongs to the rightful owners of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. No copyright infringement intended. Just a fan fiction I have been thinking about doing for a while._

_**A/N: **__Thank you for all the reviews! And alerts (: It makes me feel special. This is set around Home Invasions (13x14) so a couple of weeks later_

Things hadn't really gotten any better in the Special Victims Unit for Amanda. She felt like she was being cast out from Olivia due to the fact that she wasn't Elliot Stabler. She knew from the beginning that she got the job there because he had left, but the tension from Olivia was unreal – it made her feel slightly insulted. She didn't trust her work skills, her judgements on suspects and she even questioned the fact that she recognised a MO from back home. It was hard to prove to everyone that she was the right addition to the squad, but it was even harder to get a smile from Olivia, and with everything that Amanda was feeling and going through right now, that was all she wanted.

Amanda felt so lonely. She wasn't the only new Detective – Nick Amaro had come in not long after her first day at the precinct, yet it seemed that he got along with Olivia more, and that hurt. Maybe Amanda was over-thinking it – maybe it wasn't because she was there to take over Elliot. Maybe it was because she was a female – for so long Olivia was the only female detective, so Amanda could see how that was a problem. She obviously worked better with male partners.

But because she was lonely, and because she felt overwhelmed with thinking about Olivia all the time, she went back to the only thing that was familiar to her – gambling. She didn't mean too. She just went to a bar one day and saw the pokies. It was only an occasional thing, but then went on to the casinos. Before she knew it, she was under again. She had gotten way over her head – she was under by 20k. She had no idea that what she was going to do. She had no body to tell, no body to help her. It wasn't until Sidney and Joan Eckhouse were shot dead in their home, and their daughter Emmy was critically injured that things got from bad to worse. Sidney had forced his daughter to place bets – this lead Nick and Fin to question a well-known bookie, Murphy. Unfortunately he also happened to be Amanda's.

As soon as Murphy saw Amanda in the squad room, she knew that her life was going to be in danger. He had no idea that she was a cop. If he didn't kill her, then the one only thing he could do to her that would destroy her was to tell Captain Cragen. She didn't want him knowing – not only would it be a risk to her job, but she didn't want her captain knowing that she had a problem.

That night, Amanda was at the petrol station, filling up her truck with all the money she had on her. She pulled out the receipt from the machine, and was about to head to her vehicle, when she felt a sharp pain in the side of her gut. She saw Murphy, and another guy just before she fell to the ground with excruciating pain. "Detective Rollins - this here is Officer Parker – you two have some things in common," Murphy told her, standing against her truck. The other guy, Parker, grabbed her by her elbow and pulled her up harshly, just before Murphy went in for another punch, right in the same place. Amanda let out a large gasp, falling the ground once more. Parker came down to her level, grabbing her chin to make her look at him. "You're in deep to the wrong guy, sweetheart," he told her, a grimacing looking smirk upon his face. "I hope you're not dumb enough to talk to your captain," he said to her, which caused Amanda to pull away from his grip. It was then that Murphy also came down to her level. "If you do, they won't see us coming. You'll just be gone – understand?" Murphy warned, looking at her sternly. Amanda nodded – of course she did. Nothing made her think that this guy was kidding with his threat. He was serious, and there was no way he wanted to piss him off anymore. "Good girl," Murphy replied, and with that he and Parker were off. Amanda winced in pain as she grabbed hold of her truck to pull herself up. She had no idea how much damage had been done to her abdomen, but she knew there would be a lot of bruising. She watched the two walk away – she was making sure that they wouldn't come back. It wasn't until they were out of their sight, that Amanda got into her truck and grabbed her phone. _**Meet me at the pub**_, she texted Fin – they warned her about not telling the captain. But she needed to tell someone, and Fin was that someone.

Amanda told Fin everything. From what happened in Atlanta to feeling so left out at in the squad that she turned to the only thing she knew, which in end, made her debt even worse. Fin, like the good partner he was, listened carefully – both with concern and understanding. He knew that she was over her head, and he knew that she needed his help. So he told her what they were going to do. They will take those creeps off the street, and let them know who they were. He also told her that she needed to come clean to the captain, which she agreed too whole-heartedly.

* * *

It took her a while to gain the courage she needed to tell Cragen. Every time she tried, a lead in the case took priority, so she had to wait even longer. When she finally did, however, she was surprised to find out that Cragen already knew. Cragen told her that Murphy had ratted her out, because he thought it would help his case if he had dirt on a detective. He also explained to her that he had already spoken to IAB, as he didn't want Murphy to have any leverage over the squad. Amanda was quiet at this point – she just nodded, wanting him to know that she understood everything he was saying. He told her that she had to have an interview with IAB, and asked if there was anything else she wanted to tell him, like if Murphy ever asked her to run a play or check someone out. She reassured him, however, that she only gambled and she lost. At that point, Cragen asked her if she was fully aware how lucky she was, because if she was desperate enough she probably would have. Amanda hardly ever cried, but this was an exception. She knew how disappointed he was, she was disappointed in herself. He continued, saying that he should really take her gun and shield, but he would bat for her with IAB if the extent was really what she said it was. It was that point that he went on to tell her his addiction. It took Amanda by surprise, but now she fully understood why Donald Cragen, her captain, was being supportive of her. She listened to him carefully, even when he told her that he was going to get her help. She knew she needed it – and she wasn't going to protest. She wiped her tears away, just as a knock on the door sounded. She took a deep breath and straightened up, trying to look less upset. "We good?" The captain asked, which was responded by Amanda nodding her head, "Yeah".

"Ah, we can come back later," Olivia declared, when she realised that something personal was happening and that they had just interrupted it. Cragen however dismissed that statement, moving past Amanda to see what Olivia and Amaro had brought. Amanda glanced at Olivia, feeling highly embarrassed. She could see her looking back at her, and it made her slightly uncomfortable – _why was she looking like she was concerned? She never looked at me like this before, so why was she doing it now while I had just been crying? _Amanda thought this as she moved around, trying the best she could to not look like she had been crying. She tried to concentrate on what Amaro was saying, but she couldn't help but notice that Olivia stole glances at her. Amaro mentioned that Emmy had the same strand of Herpes as her father, which made Amanda feel even worse than she did before – Sidney was sleeping with his daughter. "Every unhappy family is unhappy in their own way – find out who else knew," Cragen ordered, before turning back to his desk. Olivia looked at Amanda one last time, before exiting the office, causing Amanda's heart to skip a bet. Surely she wasn't concerned about why she had been crying?

* * *

Later that day, when the case that been solved, Amanda kept the promise she had made to Don by attending a Gamblers Anonymous meeting. It was hard, but Cragen had come with her for support, and that meant a lot for her. She had no family in New York – it felt as if Cragen was fathering her, and she couldn't be any more grateful. Amanda was so nervous and not to mention embarrassed. "You're here. That's the first step," Cragen reassured her, sensing how nervous she was. Amanda didn't respond straight away – she stared into the middle of the hall, at the people who were already sitting there. At least she wasn't alone. She took a deep breath, then realised that Donald had spoken to her, and nodded her head in response. "Yeah…" She said, before she turned her head. "Thank you," She said to him, before making her way into the hall and towards the circle of chairs.

It was only an hour, but that hour seemed to drag on for days. Since it was her first time, she sat there listening in. It was hard to hear people's stories. Hearing them say they lost their families, jobs, friends, all because they lied and cheated by stealing money. Some of them were worse off than Amanda, some were in really deep – some had been shot even. This made her feel sick, thinking back on the threat that Murphy had made about her just being gone. Some of these people here today were lucky to be alive. It scared her, but it made her know how lucky she was that she was getting help now – while she still had her job and some friends.

* * *

After the meeting, Amanda went straight back to her apartment. What she wanted to do was to crawl up into a ball on her bed and cry her heart out – but instead of doing that she grabbed a bottle of vodka, a glass, and sat down on her couch, staring at the black screen of her television. She poured herself half a glass, and then shot it down her mouth, straight. She knew drinking wasn't the answer, but if it meant that it would block out her thoughts about her gambling problem, what happened that day with Emmy, and her thoughts for Olivia, then she would do it. It wasn't long until her mind was fuzzy and her vision was blurry – she was going to have some more, but she was stopped when there was a knock on the door. She frowned in confusion – no one came to visit her. She wasn't being noisy so she knew it wasn't any of her neighbours. She stood up, stumbled to the door, banging her knee on her sofa as she did so. She cursed, but continued to the door, rubbing her knee as she did so. When she opened it, she stood up straight, and stared at the person behind it.

"Olivia," She breathed, wondering why on earth she had come to her apartment.


	5. It Never Happened

**Chapter Five**

**Her Unplanned Life.**

_**Disclaimer**__: I do not own Amanda Rollins, or the characters associated with this story. It belongs to the rightful owners of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. No copyright infringement intended. Just a fan fiction I have been thinking about doing for a while._

_**A/N: **__Thank you for all the reviews! And alerts (: After this update, you probably won't get one until Sunday. I have a very busy weekend ahead of me, unfortunately. Have a good weekend!_

Amanda had to blink, to make sure that Olivia was actually there, and it wasn't her drunken imagination. "Olivia?" Amanda repeated, holding the door for support, so she wouldn't fall down. "What are you doing here?" She asked, trying to sound as sober as she possibly could.

Olivia ran her fingers through her hair, and took a slight breath before she spoke. "I just wanted to see if you're okay… Today at the precinct… you looked upset," Olivia told her, standing awkwardly outside Amanda's apartment. She didn't know why she had to come, to be quite honest. She just felt the need too.

Amanda realised that she was making her stand out in the hallway, where it was incredibly colder than her warm, inviting apartment. "Come in," She offered, letting go of the door, and push it further back so Olivia knew that she was welcome to come in. She did just that, and Amanda cursed herself inwardly as Olivia brushed past her, their skin touching ever so slightly, sending electricity through Amanda's body. Amanda bit her lip as she shut the door, and watched Olivia as she looked around her apartment.

"You've been drinking," Olivia pointed out, a hint of disappointment in her voice. Amanda walked back over to the couch, trying not to fall over self as she did so. "I've had a difficult day," Amanda pointed out, sitting down on the couch. She lifted her hand, and offered Olivia to sit down. She had expected her to sit on the sofa opposite where Amanda was sitting, so she was slightly surprised when Olivia chose to sit next to her on the couch. "Why don't you tell me about it? I'm sure talking about it would be better than the bottom of a bottle of… vodka," Olivia paused as she picked up the half-finished bottle to examine it. She put it back down, but not before she pushed the table away from Amanda. Amanda watched her carefully. _Why did she even care?_ She thought to herself before letting out a deep sigh.

"Surely you've heard?" Amanda questioned, wondering just how fast word got around the precinct. "Fin might have mentioned that he was keeping an extra eye out for you," Olivia commented, looking at her carefully. "So is it true? Did Murphy attack you?" She asked, raising a slight eyebrow. Amanda hung her head, pausing for a moment, debating with herself whether or not she actually tell her the whole truth. She was here – that was something. But did it mean that she wanted to know Amanda's life story? She decided that she would – she could only take a chance. The worst she could do was leave. Amanda nodded her head. "Yeah," She whispered, looking back up at Olivia. She lifted her shirt ever so slightly to show her, her stomach. Olivia gasped when she saw how huge the bruise was. "Oh Amanda," She gulped as she put her hand over her mouth. She moved slightly forward, as if she was going to embrace Amanda in a hug, but she decided against it. Amanda's abdomen was black and blue – literally. It was big, something that would take ages to heal. Amanda lowered her shirt, and looked at Olivia embarrassingly. "I'm alright," Amanda told her, her head starting to spin slightly, due to the fact that she wasn't drinking anymore. Olivia raised a slight eyebrow. "Are you sure?" She questioned, watching as Amanda put her hand on her head. She leant forward slightly, and grabbed her upper arm to steady her – it looked as if Amanda was going to fall of the couch.

Amanda looked at Olivia – no matter how much she knew it was wrong, that she would** never** feel the same way about her, she mistook the fact that she leant forward for something else. Amanda placed her lips on Olivia to kiss her. It was only for a second, but it was enough for Olivia to push her away and stand up. "What the hell, Rollins!" Olivia screeched, causing Amanda to look away from her, ashamed. "I'm sorry," Amanda whispered, trying her hardest not to cry. Olivia wiped her hand over her lips, as if to get rid of Amanda's taste. "Right. You're drunk – I'm going to leave now. None of this ever happened," Olivia told her, as she started backing out of the room. Amanda nodded her head, still avoiding eye contact with her. Amanda was grateful that she hadn't pulled her gun out on her, which I guess she would have done to anyone else.

Olivia turned and walked out of the room, with a slight smile on her face. She would never admit it, but she liked the way that Amanda's lips had met hers, and she would have done anything to have kiss her back – but Amanda was drunk. She wasn't thinking straight. There was no way a woman like her would crush on Olivia. She shut the door to Amanda's apartment, leaving Amanda to break down in tears.


	6. Her 'Famous' Coffee

**Chapter Six**

**Her Unplanned Life.**

_**Disclaimer**__: I do not own Amanda Rollins, or the characters associated with this story. It belongs to the rightful owners of Law &__Order__: Special Victims Unit. No copyright infringement intended. Just a fan fiction I have been thinking about doing for a while._

_**A/N:**____Thank you for all the reviews! And alerts (: I hope everyone likes this chapter – I'm making up for the fact that I had to miss a day. I dedicate this chapter to Nicole :P_

Amanda was glad that today was Saturday – it meant that she had the day off to recuperate after her night of drinking. When she woke up, she cursed the sun for being so bright, wishing that she had stronger curtains to warn off the dangerous rays that settled upon her. Her brain was rolling within her skull, and she felt as if she was going to throw up at any given moment. She moaned as she opened her eyes, squinting them as she tried to get used to the blazing sunlight. She turned ever so slightly to see what the time read. Her eyes opened in surprise when she read that it was 12.15pm. She hardly ever slept in that late – if she did, it was because she was seriously sick. She supposed that being hung-over counted as being sick, but she didn't want to admit that she had drunken enough to warrant one.

She wanted to get up and have a shower to hurry her recovery, but she couldn't bring herself to move. She was hurting all over – her head, all the way down to her stomach. Especially her stomach. It was killing her. It felt as if she had been hit by a bus – yet it was only because of two punches. She groaned as she put her hand on it, assessing whether or not is was swollen. It was painful, but fortunately not swollen. She groaned once again as her work phone rang beside her, which only rang when it meant there was a major case to come to work too. _This is not happening_, she thought to herself as she snatched her phone from her bedside table. "Rollins," She answered, in a deep tone which illustrated the fact that she had just woken up, and had a hangover. "Amanda… It's Olivia. Sorry to ring you on this phone – I don't have your personal one," Olivia responded, her voice indicating that she had something on her mind. Amanda was surprised to hear her voice – especially because of what happened the night before. "Olivia," Amanda breathed, forcing herself to sit up. She winced from the pain in her stomach, and the fact that she felt like being sick. "How are you feeling this morning?" Olivia asked, causing Amanda's heart to flutter slightly. She did care – why else would she be ringing? "I've just gotten up… I've had better days," Amanda responded, her tone sounded somewhat nervous, as she was wondering what Olivia thought about her. "Olivia… I just want to say something about last night… Last night shouldn't have happened, I am so sorry," Amanda apologised, awkwardly awaiting Olivia's response. There was a slight pause, warranting Amanda to think that maybe she had hung up. "Nothing happened. There is nothing to be sorry for," Olivia finally responded. "Do you need anything? Like McDonalds or anything? That's always helped me when I have felt like you are," Olivia asked, her tone changing slightly, to be more relaxed. Amanda let out a small laugh. "Yeah, sure, that would be handy, thank you," Amanda commented, her mood changing ever so slightly. "Great. I'll be at your apartment soon then," Olivia replied, hanging up before Amanda had the chance to thank her.

Amanda smiled as she pressed the end button on her phone. She knew she had to get up sooner or later – there was no way she wanted Olivia to see her the way she was, with her hair in a mess, and her nightly barely done up right, because she had put it on when she was drunk. She forced herself to get out of bed, even though it was severely painful. She walked into the bathroom, pausing to put her hands on her sink to regroup herself. She breathed in and out slowly, closing her eyes, to try and get past the fact that she needed to be sick. Once she was fully convinced that she could keep her stomach down, she turned to her shower and turned it to the right temperature. She took off her clothes, and stepped in, allowing the water to sprinkle over her naked body. She closed her eyes as she put her head under the water, causing it to cover her whole body. After what seemed like forever, she moved her head back and opened her eyes. No matter how long she wanted to stay under there, letting the water wash away her issues, she knew she needed to hurry, unless she wanted Olivia to come to her apartment while she was still naked in her shower. At that thought, she managed to picture Olivia coming into the bathroom to join her – this caused Amanda to let out a small moan, her hand unconsciously moving down towards her clit. She rubbed it slowly as she thought about a naked Olivia having a shower with her, touching Amanda all over her body, kissing her willingly and lovingly. She rubbed a little faster as she pictured Olivia touching her breasts, her stomach, and her vagina. She couldn't help herself, it was all she needed to finish the deed. She panted and moaned as she came close to finishing, letting out a small bewildered cry as she did come to a close. Why did she do this to herself?

Amanda finished washing herself, carefully washing her stomach, not wanting to cause herself anymore pain. She turned off the shower, and carefully stood out of it, grabbing her towel to wrap around herself. She felt a whole lot better now, that she had freshened up. All she needed now was a huge glass of water and something to eat, and as soon as Olivia got there she would probably have both. Amanda smiled as she walked back to her room to get herself dressed. It didn't take her long to put on a shirt and some pants that weren't tight enough to do anymore damage to her stomach. Once she had finished getting dressed, she walked out into the dining room, and decided that she should probably clean up before Olivia got there. She picked up her now empty bottle of Vodka, feeling slightly queasy by the sight of it, her glass, and took them into the kitchen. She threw the bottle in the bin, and placed her glass in the dishwasher. She would get to her dirty dishes later – right now wasn't the best time. She went back into the lounge and picked up the pillows off the floor and put them back onto the couch. It looked slightly better – which was good, because as soon as Amanda went to pick up something else to clean, there was a knock on the door, signalling that Olivia had arrived. With a small, yet noticeable, smile on her face, Amanda walked over to the door to open it.

"Olivia, come in," Amanda offered, standing aside – making more of a space so the action of last night would not repeat. Olivia smiled, and walked inside, handing Amanda a take-away bag of McDonalds. "It's a Quarter Pounder – I hope you like that, because it's my favourite," Olivia told her, smiling. "How are you feeling now? You look a lot better than last night, and sound a lot better than this morning," Olivia pointed out, glancing around the room, noticing that she had cleaned up after herself, which was a good sign. She looked back at her, noticing how wet her hair was, and how relaxed she looked. Olivia couldn't but feel slightly turned on, thinking about the fact that Amanda had just come out of the shower. "I feel incredibly better – thank you," Amanda responded, turning to walk further into her apartment. "Do you want anything to drink? A Tea? Or Coffee?" Amanda asked, placing the bag of food down on her counter before walking into the kitchen. "I wouldn't mind a coffee – I hear yours are famous in the squad room," Olivia commented with a slight laugh. Amanda turned to look at her with a smirk upon her face. "Only for those who I like," Amanda responded, before turning to make Olivia one of her 'famous' coffees. "Sugar?" Amanda asked, turning her head ever so slightly to look back at Olivia. She noticed that her eyes were focused somewhere other than the back of head. This caused her heart to skip a beat – was she imagining it, or was Olivia Benson staring at her arse?

Olivia quickly looked back up at Amanda, cursing herself that she hadn't realised that Amanda had turned sooner. Did she notice anything? Olivia bit her lip, realising how awkward the situation at just gotten. "Uh, yes please," Olivia replied, causing Amanda to smirk and turn back to making her coffee. Once Amanda had finished, she walked over to Olivia, carrying her mug with both hands. She stood just in front of her, and took a sip of the coffee herself, before passing it to Olivia. "It's my best one yet," Amanda told her, looking down at the cup, watching as Olivia took it from her, her hands touching her own as she did so. Amanda looked back up at Olivia, watching her as she took the cup to her lips to take a sip. "You're right. These are famous," Olivia commented, before putting the cup back down on the counter. She looked at Amanda for a second, both staring at each other. Before they both knew it, they were in each other's arms, kissing each other with more force than they ever had kissed anyone else before. Amanda moved her hand behind Olivia's head, pulling her closer. Olivia had her hand on Amanda's arse, pulling her even closer.

Nothing in their minds thought this was wrong – right now they were enjoying the moment, taking in each other's embrace, both having no idea just how the other felt about each other.


	7. My Little Secret

**Chapter Seven**

**Her Unplanned Life.**

_**Disclaimer**__: I do not own Amanda Rollins, or the characters associated with this story. It belongs to the rightful owners of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. No copyright infringement intended. Just a fan fiction I have been thinking about doing for a while._

_**A/N: **__Thank you for all the reviews! And alerts (: Keep them coming!_

It wasn't long before both women realised what they were doing. They let go of each other, and Amanda backed off slowly, even though her heart, mind, and body was telling her not too. Her insides were a hot mess – and she was sure that because of her actions earlier, she was wet down there. She looked at Olivia awkwardly, but gave her a small smile. "Only for the people I like," Amanda repeated, referring to the coffee Olivia had just tasted. She then walked over to her McDonalds, now feeling rather hungry. She didn't feel sick anymore – which was a miracle. She figured that being with Olivia had cured that for her. Olivia looked away from Amanda, and picked up her coffee once more; drinking from the side that Amanda had just moments ago. "I think there is something we need to talk about," Olivia said, pointing out the obvious. That was the second time Amanda had kissed her – only this time she wasn't drunk, and Olivia kissed her back. Amanda looked up from the bag of food, back up to Olivia and nodded her head. She knew it was inevitable – there was no way they could do something like that without talking about why it had happened.

"Do you want to sit somewhere more comfortable then?" Amanda suggested, glancing over to the couch, which looked a little more inviting now, than it had the night before. Olivia nodded before grabbing her coffee and heading over there. Amanda followed her, carrying her bag of McDonalds, both sitting next to each other like they had last night. "So how long have you been crushing on me, Rollins?" Olivia asked with a small smirk. Amanda hung her head ever so slightly, but then looked at Olivia with a small smile. "Since I found out I was transferring I guess – I studied your cases, and I was admired what you have done… The way you emphasis with the victims, it's like you understand them," Amanda answered looking at her with loving eyes. "That's because I do, but carry on," Olivia commented, wanting to hear more. "I fall in love even more when I first saw you… Even though you couldn't wait to get away from me," Amanda teased, poking her tongue out playfully. "Oh, come on… I hadn't briefed the captain yet!" Olivia retorted, trying to explain herself. "No, in all seriousness, I was kind of confused as to what I was feeling about you – you were so beautiful… I had just lost Elliot, and then here you walk in, beautiful and radiant… I couldn't believe what I was seeing," Olivia explained, a look of apology upon her face. Amanda tilted her head to the side, a playful smile riding on her lips. "You've liked me for that long too?" She questioned, wondering why she hadn't picked up on it before – no wonder she was cold towards her, she was confused. Olivia nodded her head. "Yeah, and I didn't know how to address it… I've never felt that way before… I mean, towards the women," Olivia admitted, taking a sip from her coffee, which was threatening to turn cold if she didn't drink it faster. Amanda nodded her head in agreement. "I know exactly how you feel," Amanda told her, setting aside her McDonalds – somehow she didn't think she would be able to eat it right at that moment.

"So where do we go from here?" Amanda asked, looking at Olivia carefully, taking in all her beautiful features. Olivia let out a small sigh as she put down her now empty cup of coffee and looked at Amanda carefully. "I usually have a strict no work/personal relationships… But you… You make me feel like I need to be with you. All the time," Olivia responded, which made Amanda smile. "Really?" Amanda questioned, wanting her to carry on about just how much she needed her. Olivia merely nodded her head with a smile. "Yeah – but it's against policy… so… this has to be our little secret," Olivia told her, before taking Amanda's hand, and kissing it lightly. "You can be my little secret," Olivia reiterated, before moving forward to meet Amanda's lips again. Olivia moved her body so she was laying on top her, ready to explore her body, but Amanda let out a small wince of pain before breaking contact with her. "I am so sorry, Amanda," Olivia breathed, forgetting momentarily that Amanda was injured. Amanda let out a small laugh, and placed her hand carefully on the side of Olivia's face. "It's alright – I should be the one that is sorry," Amanda responded, watching as Olivia moved her body from her, but continued to sit close to her. Amanda then moved her hand to grab hold of Olivia's caressing her thumb over it.

"We should just talk for now… I mean… You only know me as Detective Amanda Rollins, a transfer from Atlanta, and a compulsive gambler," Amanda commented, looking at Olivia with careful eyes. Olivia breathed out slightly as she heard Amanda say that – it was true. That's all she knew about her. That, and the fact that she was ultimately breathe taking. So she nodded her head. "Tell me about Amanda Rollins," Olivia responded with a grin. "You said you could relate to the victims? Does that mean you were assaulted?" Amanda asked quietly, not wanting to bring up any bad memories for Olivia – she just didn't know how else to tell her. When Olivia nodded, Amanda let out a small sigh, wishing that such a thing hadn't happened to her. "Something happened to me when I was on the job in Atlanta – that's why I had to get out of there," Amanda told Olivia, which resulted in her to tilt her head to the side. "Someone you work with?" Olivia asked, knowing that could be the only way to actually go to a different precinct, let alone another city. "It wasn't anything worth pursing – he was drunk…" Amanda told her with a nod. "That's no excuse, Amanda… That's how they win," Olivia pointed out, but she put her arm around the other women, which caused Amanda to lean her head on Olivia's shoulder. "I know," Amanda commented after a short pause. Olivia held her close, absentmindedly smelling her newly washed hair. "You smell nice," Olivia commented out aloud, which in turn, made Amanda laugh, lifting the silence from the room. "Thank you – you don't smell too bad yourself," Amanda commented, looking up at Olivia and placing a small kiss upon her lips.

They were there, making out for a full ten minutes before Amanda broke the guess for the third time. "Maybe we should go somewhere more comfortable… my bedroom perhaps?" Amanda suggested, feeling the urge to do more than just kissing – no matter how much it would hurt her wounded stomach. Olivia looked at her carefully, searching Amanda's eyes carefully, before nodding her head. "If I hurt you, I'm going to go home," Olivia warned. Amanda merely smiled and stood up, holding out her hand for Olivia to take. "You won't hurt me," Amanda responded, lifting her out of the couch when she grabbed her hand. She led Olivia into her room, both women silent as they did so. The McDonalds bag sat abandoned on the table, while Amanda slowly turned and shut her bedroom door when both women occupied it.


	8. You're My First

**Chapter Eight**

**Her Unplanned Life.**

_**Disclaimer**__: I do not own Amanda Rollins, or the characters associated with this story. It belongs to the rightful owners of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. No copyright infringement intended. Just a fan fiction I have been thinking about doing for a while._

_**A/N: **__Sorry for the wait – I was busy yesterday.____Thank you for all the reviews! And alerts (: Keep them coming! I like them ;) I must admit this is my first time writing anything like this... so keep that in mind._

Amanda turned and looked at Olivia. She looked so beautiful – she felt so lucky to even be in the same room as her. She couldn't believe that she had felt the same way about her – she couldn't even believe what was about to happen. It was so unreal, yet Amanda couldn't and didn't want to pinch herself to see if this was all a dream. "You're so beautiful," Amanda whispered, as she leant in one more time to place her lips on Olivia's. Olivia responded with a smile upon her lips as she kissed Amanda back. They still had their hands held, so Olivia lead Amanda to her bed – causing Amanda's heart to pound ever so faster. She realised she had no idea what she was doing – she had never done this before. Olivia was thinking the exact same thing.

Amanda gently lay on her bed, pulling Olivia down with her, careful not to break their kiss. Olivia, not wanting to hurt Amanda again, fell gently down next to her; bringing her unwounded side close to her. Both realising how serious things were getting, they parted their lips and looked at each other, smiling. "You sure you want to do this?" They both asked each other in unison. Both women let out a small laugh, and Amanda leant her head softly upon Olivia's. "I have to be honest with you – I've never done this before," Amanda admitted, looking to into Olivia sweet brown eyes. "Neither have I," Olivia responded, moving a strand of Amanda's hair behind her ear. "You will be my first," Olivia told her, placing a small, gentle kiss on her forehead.

Without talking, both women sat up, and started taking off their clothes. Amanda's was easy – all she was wearing was a loose shirt and some slacks. It didn't take her long before she was in her underwear. Olivia took slightly longer – she was wearing a pair of jeans and a buttoned blouse. Once Amanda had finished taking off her clothes, she turned to help Olivia unbutton her shirt. She started from the bottom and made her way up, biting her lip in anticipation as to what her upper body looked like with no clothes on. Once the top was unbuttoned, Olivia wiggled her way out of it, as well as from her jeans. Both women were now sitting on Amanda's bed staring at each other, only in their bra and undies. Olivia smiled at Amanda, before leaning forward and kissing Amanda's wound gently. "You're so brave," Olivia commented, before looking back up at her. She smiled softly, before both women were embraced in a kiss once more – but more forcibly this time.

They lay back down, this time Amanda was on top of Olivia, straddling her, with one leg on either side of her body. Without breaking the kiss, Amanda put her hands behind Olivia's back, moving her hands to the clasp of her bra. Amanda smiled against Olivia's lips when she felt Olivia mimicking her. Both took off each other's bra, Amanda's sliding down her arms, as she took off Olivia's. They broke their kiss for a moment to stare at each other's bare chest; both couldn't help but have a big smile upon their face. "You're so beautiful," Amanda commented, before returning her lips to Olivia's. She kissed her for a second, before making her way down to her neck, where she kissed her softly. She moved her fingers through Olivia's hair, before resting her hand on her head. She moved her kissed down her neck, and onto her chest, slowly making her way down to her breasts. She kissed her nipple softly, causing Olivia to let out a small moan. Amanda moved her hand down to her other breast, and started to massage it gently, as she continued to kiss the other. She moved her tongue over her nipple, sucking on it gently. Olivia's moans continued, so Amanda knew she must have been doing something right, so she continued a little more, putting a little bit more pressure on her sucking. Amanda's hand that was on Olivia's breast moved down her body, resting gently on their panty line. She moved her finger just under the lace of her undies, before kissing down her body to meet it. Olivia's body arched slightly, indicating to Amanda that she wanted her to take off the only remaining clothing. Amanda took her lips away from Olivia's body, and starting to pull down her underwear, exposing Olivia's wet, inviting vagina.

Amanda smiled ever so slightly, as she looked away from it, to meet Olivia's eyes once more. "Are you sure about this?" Amanda asked, knowing that once they continued, there was no going back. Olivia caressed Amanda's cheek with a smile. "Of course I am – besides if you're not going to do it, then I am – I'm fucking horny right now," Olivia commented, with a small, teasing laugh. Amanda grinned, before moving her body so she was kissing Olivia once more. She wasn't sure how to do anything, so she pretended as if Olivia's body was her own. She moved her fingers down Olivia's body, resting them between her inner thighs. Once Amanda had found Olivia's clit, Amanda started rubbing it gently, kissing Olivia with more passion. She felt Olivia's breath inside her mouth, when she paused for a second to let out a moan. This turned Amanda on even more, rubbing Olivia's clit faster. Sensing that Olivia was going to let out her satisfaction more than once, Amanda moved her lips to the other exposed area – her neck. She gently kissed it, as she continued to rock her fingers against Olivia's pleasure area, her fingers getting wet in the process. Olivia continued to let out small moans, some louder than the other. Amanda removed her lips from her neck, and started kissing down her body once more, before the met her fingers. Amanda paused for a second, before replacing her fingers with her tongue, licking her clit furiously, and sucking it on occasion. Olivia agreed with this sudden change, letting out even louder moans. She touched her own breasts as Amanda did this too her, massaging them softly.

Amanda could feel and taste everything of Olivia – this was the most amazing thing she ever felt. She could feel her coming closer to her finish, so she moved her fingers down her lips, until she found the opening. She placed two fingers inside her vagina, softly beginning to pump her fingers in and out of Olivia. She inserted another finger, pumping them in and out a little faster each time. Olivia tensed her body as she came close to finishing, moving her hands to grip the sheets either side of her. Her body arched as Amanda continued to pleasure her, feeling ready to come to a finish. She let out a small scream as her body began to tremble. Amanda smiled happily as Olivia did this – not only had she enjoyed it, but Amanda could tell that she did, because a rush of wetness came over her fingers, allowing her to realise that she had accomplished Olivia's pleasure.

She removed her fingers, sucked on them gently, before Olivia came down to her level and crushed her lips against hers. "That. Was. Amazing," Olivia breathed, before gently turning Amanda over, so she was the one lying down. Olivia carefully straddled her, making sure she wasn't going to hurt her stomach. She kissed down her body, sucking gently on Amanda's nipples, just like she had done with her own. Amanda closed her eyes before letting out a small, satisfying, moan, telling Olivia that she too, was doing the right thing. Olivia continued kissing down Amanda's body, wanting nothing but to pleasure the young woman, just like she had with her. She ripped her undies away from her body, eager to taste the woman. She placed her lips upon her wet clit, kissing it ever so gently, before running her tongue over it, over and over again. Amanda let out yet another moan, as she ran her fingers down her body, to find Olivia's hair. She rubbed her head gently, as Olivia moved her tongue in so many pleasurable ways, that Amanda had to wonder, was it really her first time? Olivia rubbed her fingers down Amanda's folds, before inserting them into the opening of her vagina. She didn't let her tongue leave Amanda's clit, sucking on it, at some points. She pumped her fingers in and out of her, faster and faster each time, sucking on her clit roughly as she did so. Amanda panted each time Olivia removed her fingers, only to put them back in again. She too had to grip the sheets either side of her, to stop her whole body from trembling. It didn't work however – when she came to her orgasm, Amanda let out a soft scream, yelling out Olivia's name, her body trembling in agreement. Olivia smiled as she placed one last kiss on Amanda's clit, before removing her fingers.

Olivia moved her body so she was lying next to Amanda, both staring into each other's eyes once more. "That was amazing. You are amazing," Amanda told Olivia, before putting her lips against Olivia's once more, tasting herself on her lips and tongue. They parted once more, and held each other close, looking at each other carefully. "I love you," Amanda whispered, not sure if Olivia could even hear her, since she had said it so quietly. Olivia heard it alright – but she didn't say anything. She just smiled, and held Amanda even closer. Both women lay there, holding each other, and slowly drifted off to sleep together.


	9. Lucky To Have You

**Chapter Nine**

**Her Unplanned Life.**

_**Disclaimer**__: I do not own Amanda Rollins, or the characters associated with this story. It belongs to the rightful owners of Law &__Order__: Special Victims Unit. No copyright infringement intended. Just a fan fiction I have been thinking about doing for a while._

_**A/N:**____Sorry for the wait – I was busy yesterday. Thank you for all the reviews! And alerts (: Keep them coming! I like them ;)_

It wasn't until Amanda's stomach growled at her that she woke up. She opened her eyes, blinking for a moment, realising whom was beside her. She smiled widely, and looked down at their position. They were both still very naked – no sheets where over them, as the temperature was warm enough to cover the both of them. They legs were tangled together, as if they didn't want to be apart, and both their hands were holding each other. Amanda couldn't help but grin even more, as she looked back at her Lover. She kissed her lightly on her neck, waking the other woman up.

"Hi," Olivia breathed, rather sheepishly. "Hi," Amanda responded with a giggle, before placing another kiss on the female's lips. "What time is it?" Olivia asked, moving her body ever so slightly to look at the time on Amanda's digital clock. It read 5.13 pm. "Guess you tired me out," Olivia accused, with a smirk upon her lips. "Yeah, you and me both... Are you hungry? I'm starving," Amanda announced, just as her stomach growled at her once more. Olivia let out a small laugh, shifting herself, so she was sitting up. "Guess that McDonalds wasn't much good," Olivia responded, which made Amanda move her own body to find Olivia's lips again. "Thank you for that – it was the best hangover cure ever… Even though I didn't eat it," Amanda commented, with a grin.

With that, Amanda stood up, grabbing her clothes of the floor as she made her way over to the bedroom door. She pulled on her clothes, before looking over at Olivia who was admiring Amanda's body from afar. "You're beautiful, you know that," Olivia told her, before making herself follow her. When both women had their clothes on, Amanda opened the door and walked out into the dining area, Olivia following closely behind. When they were standing in the kitchen, Olivia continued walking, until she right behind Amanda, and slipped her arms around the younger woman's waist, and placed a light kiss onto her neck. "Is your cooking as famous as your coffee's?" Olivia wondered, trailing kisses down the sensitive part of Amanda's neck. Amanda opened her mouth to answer her, but the only answer she could come up with was a moan. "You're killing me here, Liv," Amanda whispered, turning, so she could put her arms around Olivia's shoulders. She kissed Olivia once more, a smiling playing on her lips. "Apparently I can cook the most fantastic chicken," Amanda commented, thinking back on the last time she actually cooked a meal. She usually got take out, or had whatever everyone else at the squad was eating.

Olivia merely smiled. "I love chicken – it's my favourite," Olivia commented, letting go of Amanda, but not before she placed one last kiss upon her lips. "Right then, chicken it is," Amanda grinned, sliding her hand down Olivia's arm, before taking her hand. "Generally, when people cook food, they do it without holding someone else," Olivia teased, rubbing her thumb over Amanda's hand. "I know… I just can't bring myself to let you go," Amanda responded, looking at her with a grin, but she knew she had too. She let go and walked over to her freezer, and opened it to find it completely empty. "Oh great…" Amanda sighed, shutting the door and turned back to look at Olivia. "Guess we're out of luck on that one," Amanda commented with a laugh. "What's your favourite take out – my shout, since you brought me McDonalds," Amanda told her, tilting her head to the side ever so slightly. Olivia laughed ever so slightly – it made her realised just how alike they were. Olivia was in the same position – no food in her fridge or freezer.

"How about Chinese?" Olivia suggested, thinking that it would be the easiest and cheapest meal to get. Plus it didn't take too cook, and they had a prompt delivery service. Amanda pondered it for a moment, before nodding her head. "Sounds good – what do you want?" Amanda asked, walking over to her phone which was sitting on the bench top. "Egg Foo Young, and wontons," Olivia commented, with a smile. "Yum," Amanda mouthed as she dialled the number to the only Chinese place she knew. "Hi there, I would like to place an order – Egg Foo Young, a box of wontons, and sweet and sour chicken?" Amanda ordered, not taking her eyes off of Olivia. She couldn't she didn't want to let her go. She smiled at her, before she turned her concentration back on the phone call. "Ah yes, delivery, thanks," Amanda confirmed before telling them her address and apartment number. "Thank you," Amanda finished, hanging up and placing her phone back on the hook. She looked back at Olivia, smiling. "There… all done," Amanda confirmed, and walked back over to Olivia to put her arms around her once more.

"Do you think I'm going to run away or something?" Olivia questioned, kissing the top of Amanda's head. Amanda let out a small laugh, and looked up at her. "No – I just can't take my hands off you.. Your body is like a magnet," Amanda responded, but she let Olivia go, realising that she was being slightly 'clingy'. "Not that I don't enjoy it or anything," Olivia rushed, hoping that she didn't hurt Amanda's feelings. Amanda just shook her head, and took Olivia's hand. "Come, the couch looks so inviting right now," She commented, smiling at Olivia. Olivia merely nodded her head and walked slowly behind Amanda, going back to the place that their 'relationship' had started off.

Both women sat down, Amanda sitting in her usual place, with her back against the arm of the couch. "Have you got your phone?" Amanda asked casually, lifting her head to look at Olivia as she sat down next to her. Olivia frowned ever so slightly, but pulled out her work phone, which led Amanda to let out a small laugh. "No, not that one... Your other one," Amanda commented, which made Olivia smile, as she realised why Amanda wanted it. "Of course," Olivia commented, pulling out her other phone – the one that belonged to her, and not the state. Amanda took, and pinned in her phone number, saving it to Olivia's phone before giving it back to her. "There, now you have my personal phone number, and don't have to give me a heart attack, thinking I have to come to work when I'm hung-over," Amanda teased, moving her legs, so she them resting on Olivia's lap. Olivia smiled, and put her arms on Amanda's legs, rubbing them absentmindedly. "Good thing I had a shower this morning," Amanda commented, referring to the fact that her legs were smooth. This left both women in a fit of laughter.

Amanda looked at Olivia for moment, just as their laughter died down. She couldn't believe how lucky she was, just sitting here next to Olivia, let alone what they had done this morning. She couldn't believe that it was real. She wondered what would have happened if she never had been attacked – would she still be in this position now? She thought back to the previous week, where Olivia showed nothing dislike towards her. How could she go from that to where she is now? Amanda knew she was only like that because she was confused as to what she was feeling, just like Amanda had been towards Olivia, but she couldn't help but think about how hurtful it had been, yet now they were sitting next to each other, after sleeping together. It was like a dream.

It wasn't until Olivia yelled Amanda's name that Amanda snapped out of her day dream. Olivia just laughed as Amanda blinked her eyes at Olivia, before giving a sheepish smile. "Sorry," Amanda commented, hanging her head ever so slightly. "Where did you go?" Olivia asked, rubbing Amanda's leg once more, as if to comfort her. "Just thinking about how lucky I am to have you," Amanda told her, grinning up at her. "No, Mandy – I'm the lucky one," Olivia responded, leaning in to give her another kiss. "If you hadn't of transferred here, then we wouldn't be having this conversation," Olivia commented, smiling ever so slightly. "I'm so lucky that you chose to come here," She continued, wanting to say more but she was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Amanda moaned ever so slightly, wanting to continue their conversation, but her stomach as protesting against her, so she knew she had to get up, to get their food. She moved her legs off of Olivia, got up, and walked over to the door. She unlocked it, grabbed her wallet which was on the shelf next to the door, and opened it. "Hi there," Amanda greeted the young delivery boy. "32.50 thank you," The boy responded, causing Amanda to let out a small whistle, as she handed the exact change to the boy. "Thanks," Amanda commented, grabbing the bag of food. She shut the door, relocked it, and then hurried over back to Olivia and the couch.

Amanda was so hungry – she grabbed her sweet and sour chicken and the chopsticks, and started eating right away. Olivia watched her for a second before letting out a small laugh and grabbed her own food. "Guess who's hungry," Olivia commented, with a playful tone. Amanda grinned as she continued to eat. She just wanted to finish as quickly as possible – so she could shut up her grumbling stomach, and continue with talking with Olivia. She needed that. She needed to know where their relationship lay.


	10. You're Going To Have To Put Up With Me

**Chapter Ten**

**Her Unplanned Life.**

_**Disclaimer**__: I do not own Amanda Rollins, or the characters associated with this story. It belongs to the rightful owners of Law &__Order__: Special Victims Unit. No copyright infringement intended. Just a fan fiction I have been thinking about doing for a while._

_**A/N:**__Thank you for all the reviews! And alerts (: Keep them coming! I like them ;) Sorry for the long wait with this update – had family issues._

It wasn't long until Amanda had finished eating. She was so hungry, that she ate her food pretty quickly. Olivia couldn't help but laugh at how hurriedly she ate her food – it was like she was in a hurry to do something else. Olivia finished just after her, as she didn't want to make her wait. "Did you enjoy that?" questioned Amanda, who stood up and took the empty containers and rubbish to the kitchen. "I sure did. Best Chinese I've had in a long time," Olivia confessed, smiling as Amanda returned and sat down beside her once more. Olivia moved her body so her back was resting against the arm of the couch, and pulled Amanda close to her, so they were cuddling each other. Amanda smiled as she snuggled into Olivia, taking her hand in her own. "I'm just glad that it was here promptly – I don't think my stomach could have lasted another minute without food in it," Amanda admitted with a laugh. Olivia merely smiled and kissed Amanda lightly on the top of her head.

"So, Blondie… Tell me more about Amanda Rollins that Detective Benson doesn't already know," Olivia mumbled against her hair. Amanda moved her head ever so slightly, so she was looking at Olivia. She searched her eyes, trying to figure out if she should tell her everything about herself. Sure, if they were to be a couple, she should probably know everything. Amanda was just paranoid that she would want to leave her if she told her. Everyone else did.

"I have a sister – she's in a mental hospital at the moment, in Atlanta. She has Schizophrenia," Amanda told her, knowing that no body at the 16th precinct knew that. Not even Cragen. Olivia listened to her carefully, nodding her head slowly in response. That was something she didn't expect to hear – but she was glad that she did. It meant that she trusted her with this piece of information. That was a good sign. "My mother was a drunk – she died falling down a flight of steps," Olivia commented, wanting to give her a piece of her own history in return. Amanda rubbed her thumb over Olivia's hand comfortably at hearing this. "I'm so sorry," Amanda whispered, looking up at her, with concerned eyes. Olivia let out a small laugh, as if to cover up the fact that it hurt her still. "Don't be. It was her choice to drink. It was her way of covering up the fact that she was raped. I'm the product of that rape," Olivia commented, with a short pause. She wasn't sure if Amanda was ready to hear that, but she was slowly falling in love with her, so it was bound to come out at some point in their relationship. Amanda let out a small gasp, unsure on how to take this new information. Olivia merely shrugged her shoulders. "I've known for a long time – I've come to terms with it," She told her, with a small smile, letting her know that she didn't have to feel sorry for her.

Amanda snuggled into Olivia once more, which led Olivia to let out a laugh, and wrapped her arms more tightly around her. "You know I told you that something happened to me in work place? Well it was a bit more than that… We were celebrating after we finally cracked this really tough case… We were all pretty tipsy – some worse than others. The Deputy Chief was pretty out of it. It was fine when he first started talking to me… But then he started touching me. First he put his hand on my thigh, which I pushed away immediately, disregarding it as a drunken gesture to keep himself upright. But then he did again – only this time it was much closer to my privates," Amanda told Olivia, pausing for a moment, to close her eyes, trying not to let it get to her. Olivia merely held onto Amanda, in a comforting way. "I pushed his hand away again, told him I wasn't interested, and then walked away towards the bathroom. He must of followed me, because as soon as I was out of the view of others, I was thrown against a wall, and his body was pinning mine – he tried to kiss me, but my old Captain, Sam Reynolds, pulled him away, threatened to tell the Police Commissioner," Amanda continued, her voice going a little quieter. "I couldn't really talk to Sam after that – I was embarrassed. I couldn't tell anyone, really – I didn't want to be seen as someone who can't handle being hit on. I didn't want to be seen as a rat," Amanda confessed, feeling a little embarrassed, now just talking about it. "Sam understood, so he talked to Cragen about me getting transferred – I didn't want anything that could have happened to me, happen to someone else and the perp to get away with it. So that's why I chose the Special Victims Unit. I'm glad I did, because I wouldn't have met you otherwise," Amanda said, smiling, as she looked up at Olivia, their lips meeting once more.

Olivia held Amanda closely to her. She was glad that she had told her what happened – it was something personal, something that was hard to talk about - especially since Olivia had been through the same thing and even though it happened years ago, it was still difficult to talk about. "I hate it when people think they can get away with things just because they have a superior role. I'm so sorry that it happened to you, Amanda. You didn't deserve it," Olivia whispered, holding her in her arms. Olivia wanted to tell her about her assault – but she didn't think it was the right time. What if Amanda thought Olivia was trying to say that her assault was worse? Or something along those lines – Olivia didn't want to put a damper in their relationship, when it's only just started.

Amanda said nothing in response – she was thinking, holding onto Olivia in case she left, thinking that Amanda had too much baggage. She was so used to people leaving her; she didn't want Olivia to leave her too. "I'm sorry that I told you that… too much information on the first date, huh?" Amanda commented with a small laugh – she wouldn't really call it that. They had already had sex. "I'm not… I'm glad you did – I get to know you a bit better. Why would you say that?" Olivia questioned, shifting her body slightly, so she could look down at Amanda. "Well I don't want to scare you away," Amanda admitted, causing Olivia to shake her head. "Nothing would scare me away from you… not even if you told me you secretly collect dead instincts or something," Olivia commented, which once again caused both women to fall into a fit of giggles.

"Well, I can positively say I don't," Amanda confirmed, with a smile. "It's just that… Everyone I love tends to run away, get committed into a mental hospital, sends me to another town, or dies," Amanda told Olivia, chewing awkwardly on her lower lip. "My parents died in a car accident when I was sixteen. I had to look after my sister because she was only eight – a few years later she was diagnosed with her mental illness, so she was in and out of hospital, my childhood sweet heart disappeared on me – he moved to Boston, and if I'm going to be honest with you, I had feelings for Sam… But he was married, so nothing ever happened between us," Amanda continued, with a small sigh. At hearing Amanda's last confession, Olivia felt her heart skip a bet, as it brought her to think about Elliot Stabler. Olivia noted the fact that she said her parents were killed when she was young, and let out a small sigh herself. "You've had a pretty rough life," Olivia commented, kissing the top of her head again. "Another thing we have in common," She added, letting out another sigh. "I promise you that I'm here to stay – you're gonna have to put up with me Blondie," Olivia vowed, causing Amanda to lift her head, to find Olivia's lips again. "Good," She whispered, before replacing her head back on Olivia's chest.

The room filled up with silence, as the two sat on the couch, thinking about everything that had happened that night. They were both very happy, both for the fact that they had acted on their feelings towards each other, and the fact that they had shared information about their lives with each other. Amanda hadn't told anyone any of those intimate details about her life to anyone – she was glad that she had Olivia to talk too and trust. She was glad that she hadn't chosen to run out now, after letting everything inside of her come out in the open. She was glad that she was in Olivia's arms right this second, and there would probably be many more in the future. She was happy that her unplanned life lead her to this moment, in Olivia's arms.


	11. Gambled And Lost

**Chapter Eleven**

**Her Unplanned Life.**

_Disclaimer__: I do not own Amanda Rollins, or the characters associated with this story. It belongs to the rightful owners of Law &Order: Special Victims Unit. No copyright infringement intended. Just a fan fiction I have been thinking about doing for a while._

_A/N: __Thank you for all the reviews! And alerts (: Keep them coming! I like them ;) Sorry for the long wait with this update – had family issues, been busy with life etc. Hopefully now I can update a little more often :D_

It wasn't long until both women had fallen asleep once again – there was something about the silence that made them both sleepy. They didn't mind of course – they had fallen asleep in each other's arms.

Amanda sleep soon became disturbed when images of her attack came to her mind. She was getting beaten, like she had the day before, but this time it was more violent – they kept hitting her, like there was nothing that she could say or do to make them back off. There was no one around to help her, no one around to tell them to stop, so they kept going. The image in her mind then turned back to the night that deputy chief had assaulted her. The night replayed in her mind, but instead of Sam coming to the rescue, the deputy chief had successfully gained what he wanted.

Amanda woke up with a start, forgetting momentarily that Olivia was with her. It wasn't until she felt a hand on her arm, rubbing up and down in comfort, which she remembered that she was there. Amanda stared at the blank TV screen for a second, before letting out a small laugh, and turned to Olivia. "Sorry about that – it got cold all of a sudden," Amanda commented, trying not to make Olivia worry. "Yeah right – I would know what you're having in a heartbeat. You were attacked, Amanda. It's normal to have nightmares as a repercussion," Olivia responded, shifting her body, so she could put her arm around Amanda's shoulder. "It's completely understandable – you don't need to be ashamed," Olivia commented, placing a small kiss upon her forehead. "Anyway," Olivia began, taking her shoulder away from Amanda's shoulder. "As much as I don't want too, I'm gonna have to go home – I don't think I can neglect my apartment for much longer," Olivia pointed out, standing up from the couch. Amanda pouted playfully as she stood up beside Olivia. "As much as I don't want you to go, I guess you have too," Amanda commented, placing a kiss upon Olivia's lips. Olivia kissed her back, rubbing her hands down Amanda's arms once more. She pulled back but left her hands on Amanda's arms, and looked at her for a second before placing one last kiss on her forehead.

"I'll see you at work on Monday?" Olivia asked, as she took her arms off Amanda, and turned to walk towards Amanda's apartment door. Amanda shook her head, but then realised that she wouldn't be able to see that. "I have an interview with IAB… you know, about my problem," Amanda commented. Olivia stopped walking and turned to look at Amanda, whom just shrugged her shoulders to try and hide the fact that she was both ashamed and embarrassed. "You'll be alright – you're strong, and you know that I will always be here for you," Olivia commented, with a small smile, before she continued to walk to the door. She paused for a second, leaning against the open door to turn back to Amanda. "I love you," She commented, with a smile. "I love you too," Amanda responded, watching Olivia carefully as she walked out her door. She let out a heavy sigh as the door shut behind her. No matter how much she didn't want Olivia to go, she knew that she had to at some point. Only now, Amanda had to get used to the fact that she was now alone – so with that in mind she hurried to the door, and locked it, latching the door chain, almost immediately. She was scared – scared that Murphy would get his boys to come back and finish what he started.

* * *

Monday arrived more quickly than Amanda had anticipated. She woke up rather nervous – more nervous than she had been on her first day at the Special Victims Unit. So nervous in fact, that she couldn't eat anything. She did her normal morning routines: get up, have a shower, get dressed, but as soon as she got to the kitchen, she felt that she was going to be sick if she even looked at a piece of toast bread. Instead, she decided that she would just walk down to the Internal Affairs Bureau. She wasn't meant to be there until ten, so she had plenty of time to get there. She needed the fresh air to think, to breathe, and to remember that she was doing this because she didn't want her life to be ruined. They had made it so she could have the interview there, instead in the SVU precinct to save her the embarrassment. She was grateful that Don was willing to make hoops for her, even though it cost him.

Amanda arrived at the Bureau with ten minutes to spare. Her heart was pounding uncontrollably as she walked up the steps to the building, but once she was inside she realised that she had done nothing wrong – all she did was bet and lose money. Don was right – if that was all she did, then this was likely to be dropped, as long as she didn't continue with her gambling, and so far she had been to two meetings, and they were helping.

She went up to the desk, and showed the receptionist her badge. "I'm here to see Lieutenant Tucker," Amanda stated, her voice somewhat shaky, but she knew she had no reason to be worried. "Detective Rollins," A voice sounded, causing Amanda to turn in the direction it came from. She came face to face with a man that had to be Tucker – he looked cold, like he was willing end Amanda's career right then and there. As if she was guilty of everything, without hearing the facts first. Amanda gulped as she nodded her head. "That's me," She commented, barely louder than a whisper. "Follow me," He told her, turning around and began walking towards an elevator. "You have a right to a union rep," Tucker commented, unenthusiastically, looking at Amanda with questioning eyes. Amanda merely nodded her head. "I know… I don't need one – I've done nothing wrong," Amanda responded, avoiding Tucker's gaze. She knew that he probably heard that thousands of times before, but it was the truth. Amanda had a problem that was it – she didn't do anything illegal – well nothing that would cost her job or land her in jail.

The interrogation room was smaller than the one at the precinct – it was more intimidating. All there was a table in the middle of the room, two chairs, and a recorder sitting on top of it. There was barely enough room to walk around – which was a good thing, since it meant that Tucker wouldn't try to intimidate her even more by walking around her, or close to her, like she and Fin did countless times to interrogate a perp. Amanda sat on the chair, facing the one way mirror, with her hands joined together in front of her. She wondered who would be standing outside there, listening in on the conversation – would Don be there? Another IAB officer? The police commissioner? Amanda had never been in this position before, so she had no idea what to expect. She looked at Tucker once more when he cleared his throat. This was it – the moment of truth.

"How long have you had a gambling problem?" Tucker asked, getting ready to write Amanda's answer on the notepad in front of him. "Um… about five years. It started when I was in Atlanta," Amanda commented, trying to keep her voice calm. "What started it?" He asked, making Amanda feel a little uncomfortable – she knew that he had to ask the questions, but it didn't stop her from feeling it was none of his business. "My sister had to be put into a Mental Hospital, and we didn't have much insurance money… I guess it started because I thought it would be an easy way to get lots of money. But then I realised I liked betting in football pools, and racing...," Amanda responded, rubbing her hand nervously. "It was fine at first – I had it under control, I just liked the action," Amanda continued before Tucker could ask her another question. She watched him carefully as he wrote down on his notepad. He looked up at her, causing Amanda to quickly avert her gaze to her hands once more. "When did it start to get serious?" Tucker questioned, causing Amanda's heart to beat a little quicker. "When I moved here – I started betting big on the pokies, in the casinos… I had a lot of time on my hands, and I didn't know what else to do, because I wasn't used to this city," Amanda explained, her voice cracking ever so slightly at the realisation of how pathetic she was. Tucker said nothing for a moment as he wrote down her answer once more. "When did you first contact Murphy?" He asked, causing Amanda to clench her jaw slightly at the mention of his name. Her thoughts flashed back to when he attacked her, but she quickly pushed it out of her mind, so she could concentrate on the interview. "A few weeks ago – I had heard about him from overhearing a conversation at the casino – I thought going back to betting on games would be better than losing all my money playing cards, so I checked him out, and paid him as his bar. I told him I was a bar-tender, he had no idea that I was a cop until Thursday," Amanda told Tucker, her voice quiet. "You say he didn't know you were a cop – does that mean he never asked you to run a name through CODIS? Through our local database? Run a plate? Never asked you to check somebody out?" Tucker questioned, looking at Amanda intently. Amanda shook her head. "No. I gambled and I lost, that's it," Amanda commented, repeating what she had told Cragen, because that was the truth. He looked at her carefully, studying her face for any twitches, any sign of lying, but he must have been convinced that she wasn't, because he closed his notebook, and switched off the recorder.

"As Cragen has already told you – you will get a command discipline. We will continue to watch you – but seen as you're getting help, I don't see any problems accruing – Cragen has informed me that you are a good detective, and you know how serious this matter his, and you're willing to get help, so as long as you stick to that, we will step back – but just be warned, if anything continues, we will not hesitate to take your badge," Tucker commented, his deep voice sinking into Amanda's mind as she listened to him. "Of course, I understand," Amanda commented, nodding her head. "You're free to go – Cragen wants you to go to the squad room," He said, and without a seconds thought, he stood up, and walked out of the room, leaving Amanda there to give a sigh of relief. She was grateful – she knew that Don had talked to the IAB for her, like he said he would. Amanda was just glad that it was all over.

She left the Bureau with no seconds thought – she hailed a cab, and waited as it drove to the precinct. She couldn't wait to get back to work, and most of all she couldn't wait to see Olivia again.


	12. Collaborate The Attack

Chapter Twelve

Her Unplanned Life.

_Disclaimer__: I do not own Amanda Rollins, or the characters associated with this story. It belongs to the rightful owners of Law &Order: Special Victims Unit. No copyright infringement intended. Just a fan fiction I have been thinking about doing for a while._

_A/N: __Thank you for all the reviews! And alerts (: Keep them coming! I like them ;) GOD! I have such bad writer's block! I'm so sorry for making you guys wait so long. Really, I am I have all the ideas in my head, I just don't know how to write them. Story of my life. BTW I am not a Lawyer, so I hope I did this justice. _

* * *

Three weeks had passed since the meeting with IAB. Three weeks had passed, since Amanda and Olivia first started their relationship, and three weeks had past, and Amanda still woke up in the middle of the night, drenched in her own sweat, due to the nightmares she was having since the attack.

Yet, she still went to work, still helped solve rape crimes, sexual assault, murders, and child abuse. Every day she put on a brave face, to try and distract everyone thinking that she was tired. The only person who knew about her nights was Olivia – because she had spent every night with her since their first night together. She was the one to remind Amanda that she was in her own bed, and nothing was going to harm her while she was around. Amanda wasn't even sure why she was still having these nightmares – it wasn't like she was paranoid during the day. It was only at night. It was a mystery to her.

Things between her and Olivia had escalated since that night – they had grown closer, and they were even at the point where they were going out at night instead of just staying at home. They had gone to the movies a couple of time, even went out to a nice restaurant together. No one even noticed that they were holding each other's hands over the table, or playing with each other's legs under it. It was nice. It was like they were a nice, happy, normal relationship. The only thing they hadn't done was bring their relationship into the workplace. No matter how many times they were tempted to have each other in the bunkroom, or in an isolated interrogation room, they didn't do anything. They had their disagreements when it came to cases, they had their own opinions about theories, yet nothing from work went home, and nothing from home went to work. Their relationship was ideal to both of them, and Amanda liked it very much.

Since Amanda spent all her spare time with Olivia, she hadn't had the urge to gamble. This was a big step, considering before Olivia, she had spent every spare moment in a gambling joint. She had been to every GA meeting, and even spoke in some of them. She was no longer ashamed of her problem, because, according her, she no longer had one. She had started paying back everything she owed, so her debt was slowly going down. The only thing that reminded her of the fact that she had a big problem was the fact that Murphy's trail was coming up. He was charged with gambling, operating a gambling house, and assault of a police officer. The only good thing that came out of it was the fact that Amanda didn't have to testify about anything other than the assault. Because Amanda had done everything she was told by the IAB, Captain Cragen, and had attended the GA meetings, the Judge had thrown everything about her gambling addiction and debts out – plus due to the 5th amendment, Amanda had the right to avoid self-incrimination. None-the-less, it was safe to say that Amanda Rollins was scared.

* * *

The day of the trail had come quicker than Amanda had anticipated. Amanda was lucky enough to have the day off, to both prepare and recover from her day in court. Unfortunately, rapists and murderers didn't stop their dirty, sick games just because a detective had to testify, so Olivia did not have the day off. Amanda had to do it alone, with the exception of Donald Cragen, who was going to support Amanda while she was on the stand.

The courtroom was busy – there were a few cops standing at the back of the room, there to support one of their own. There was the press, taking photos of the man who was accused of attacking a police officer. There were his supporters – bookies, gamblers, those who knew him out of his dirty work. And there were a few there to support Amanda, and just watch the proceedings first hand, rather than on the news or in the newspapers.

Amanda was staring at them, sitting in the witness box. She was waiting for the questioning to begin – waiting for the A.D.A to begin prosecuting Murphy. It took everything in Amanda not to glance over there, but she knew that Murphy was staring at her. She could tell that he hated her with every ounce of his body. She knew that he blamed her for the position that he was in. If it wasn't for the fact that Amanda had told Fin, he wouldn't be sitting there. That's what scared Amanda, his threat of her disappearing if she told anyone, running through her mind as if he had just told her. When the ADA, Gillian Hardwicke, stepped forward, Amanda took a deep breath, and listened to the first question. "Amanda, can you please tell me what happened on the night of the 30th January?"

Amanda took a deep breath. She knew that the question was going to be that – Gillian had briefed her the day before on her questions, but it still was difficult to talk about. "I was filling up my car with petrol, when all of a sudden, I felt something punching me hard in my lower abdomen. I fell to the ground, at the same time looking at my attacker, who is of course, the defendant, Mr. Murphy," Amanda told the jurors, refusing to look towards the other half of the courtroom, as she wanted to avoid Murphy's cold death stare. "He was with another man, Murphy told me that his name was Officer Parker, and that we er... had a lot in common," Amanda continued, pausing for a mere second, as she didn't want to say anything about the fact that they both gambled. "Parker then pulled me to my feet, when Murphy punched me in the abdomen once more. It was then he threatened that if I told my captain, we wouldn't see them coming, I would just be gone – which meant that they would kill me," Amanda stated, even though she didn't know if that last part was true.

"Objection!" Called Murphy's Defence Attorney, Trevor Lagan. "Calls for speculation, your Honour," He continued, causing Amanda's eyes to dart over towards him, which made her eyes land on Murphy's disgusting smirk. Amanda gulped and glanced at Judge Lena Petrovsky, who nodded her head agreeing. "Yes, I agree – Jury will disregard the Witness's last statement," Judge Petrovsky ruled, giving a warning look towards Amanda. When Amanda and Gillian were preparing for the trail, Gillian had informed Amanda that she could not influence the jury by adding in things she thought – which, Amanda had guessed was the Judge's call. Amanda just nodded her head. "Sorry," She murmured, returning her gaze to Gillian, waiting to get asked the next question.

"What happened then?" She questioned. "They left, I was in pain, but I managed to get hold of my Partner, Detective Odafin Tutuola, and I meet him, and told him what happened," Amanda concluded, trying not to add any more details. If she did, she might as well ask them to lock her up and throw away the key. "Did you, in anyway, provoke this attack when you saw him in the precinct earlier that day?" Gillian questioned, looking at Amanda with a look of concern upon her face. Amanda shook her head. "No, I did not," She stated. "Thank you, nothing further," Gillian commented before walking back to her table. It was then that Trevor Lagan stood once again; walking to the spot that Gillian had just come from. "Isn't it true that you owe Graham Murphy a large amount of money?" He asked, Amanda's eyes flicking over to Gillian for a second before returning her gaze to Lagan – if she hadn't objected then, the question was allowed. "It is," Amanda answered quietly, her voice filling up with shame. "From gambling, isn't that correct?" Trevor asked, which immediately caused Gillian to stand from her chair. "Objection!" She yelled, not even needing to carry on with the reasoning of why she had objected. "Approach the Bench," Judge Petrovsky ordered, before covering her hand over the microphone in front of her. The two Lawyers walked up to the Judge's Bench, a look of pure frustration on Gillian's facial expressions. "Your honour, that information is privileged! Not to mention it invades Detective Rollin's right to the Fifth Amendment," Gillian whispered furiously, but Amanda was still able to hear every word. Her hands were sitting on her lap, tangled together to stop them from shaking. "I only ask because we have the right to question her liability. She lied to my client about where she worked, so how do we know that she isn't lying about this attack? I won't be asking her about what she gambled, or how she gambled – I just want to show her connection to my client," Amanda heard Trevor argue, which made her want to cringe. She was not lying – there was no way she was lying. If she was, then why did she have nightmares every night? Why was she afraid to be alone? "I'll allow it, but stick to the connection only Mr. Lagan! Or I will charge you with contempt!" Judge Petrovsky warned. With that the two Lawyers returned where they were moments before, a look of disapproval on Gillian's face, and the exact opposite on Lagan's. "Answer the question, Detective Rollins," Judge Petrovsky ordered, which caused Amanda to bite her lip.

"Yes," Amanda told Lagan, but didn't continue any further. "So that is how you recognised my client?" He asked, looking towards Murphy. Amanda nodded her head. "Yes it is," She stated, wishing he would hurry up and get to the point. "Is it true that you told my client that you were a bartender?" Amanda looked down at her hands on her lap. "Yes, that's what I told him. I didn't want him knowing I was a cop," Amanda answered before looking back up at the man who was questioning her. "So when you saw Graham walking through your precinct on the 30th of January, was it fair to say that you were scared of your secret coming out to your captain, or to anyone in the precinct for that matter?" Trevor questioned, looking straight into Amanda's eyes. Amanda merely frowned. "Of course I was – no one knew of my problem, but that wasn't all I was feeling. I was feeling scared for my safety," Amanda stated, shifting back slightly on her seat. "So, because you were scared that your secret would come out, you had to do something to stop Murphy from telling your captain, or anyone else in the NYPD. So you conduct a story about my client attacking, and tell someone, who you know will listen to you, isn't that correct?" Lagan continued, ignoring Amanda's last statement. "No! I did not conduct the story! I was attacked!" Amanda argued, moving in her seat once more. "Is anyone able to collaborate that story? Other than Detective Tutuola of course," Trevor questioned leaning in ever so slightly. "Because there was no hospital record of this attacked, nothing to suggest that you really were injured," Trevor stated, before Amanda had time to even answer. "Objection!" Called Gillian. "Argumentative," She added. "Sustained," ruled Judge Petrovsky. Trevor merely nodded his head. "Is there anyone else to collaborate your story, that you were attacked?" Trevor repeated, this time allowing Amanda to answer. "Surely there were video surveillance?," Amanda questioned, wanting to avoid telling him the one person who could collaborate her story, in fear of outing them. "A simple yes, or no, would suffice, Detective Rollins – besides, you picked a service station who happened to have broken cameras, which brings me to the conclusion that you thought out the attack and how it happened, isn't that correct?" Trevor asked, looking quite pleased with himself. "No you're wrong! I didn't think it up, I didn't make it up, I didn't lie, or do anything to get myself out of trouble!" Amanda argued. "Then tell me, Detective Rollins, who else is there to prove this? Who saw your injuries? Because Detective Tutuola didn't, the hospital didn't, the cameras didn't see anything happen, and everyone else is taking your word that Murphy attacked you, _so who can prove that you are not lying!_?" Trevor interrogated, which made Gillian stand up once more, but before she could tell out objection for badgering the witness, Amanda stood up. "Olivia Benson," Amanda stated, her voice filled with regret straight away. "Olivia Benson saw my injuries," She continued, before sitting down once more. A look of defeat state upon Lagan's face. He obviously had not expected that answer to fly out of her mouth. "Nothing further," He mumbled, before turning back towards his table. Amanda sighed. At least now the court knew she wasn't lying.


	13. You Can't Help Who You Fall In Love With

Chapter Thirteen

Her Unplanned Life.

_Disclaimer__: I do not own Amanda Rollins, or the characters associated with this story. It belongs to the rightful owners of Law &Order: Special Victims Unit. No copyright infringement intended. Just a fan fiction I have been thinking about doing for a while._

_A/N: __Thank you for all the reviews! And alerts (: Keep them coming! I like them ;) I know that in reality saying a name in open court wouldn't out a relationship, but just bear with me, okay? It's for the purpose of the FF._

* * *

If someone had told Amanda a couple of years ago, that she would be in a loving relationship with a _female _colleague, she would have laughed in their face, and tell them to stop dreaming. But of course, if someone had told her this, they would have been right, and if she had listened, she would have been able to find out how she would deal with telling Olivia that she had made her a witness in open court. Amanda didn't know how she would react – what if one of the Lawyers asked what was her relationship with Amanda? What if they asked if they were more than workmates? More than friends? What if they asked were they in a relationship with each other? Amanda had already seen the look on Cragen's face when she blurted out her name in such overwhelming way – had he figured it out by now? Did anyone think what Amanda was thinking?

Amanda wasn't able to see Olivia that day – she had the day off, to take the pressure off of her so she could come back to work the next day, focussed. So instead of going to the precinct after the trail had ended, Amanda returned to her apartment. It felt so empty without Olivia there with her, but Amanda knew she couldn't do anything about it. There weren't a lot of things to do at her house, so she cleaned up everything that needed to be cleaned in the kitchen, the lounge, and her bedroom. It didn't take her long – her apartment was so small, that she had the whole thing cleaned in less than an hour.

Tiredness swept over Amanda as she sat down on the couch after she had finished cleaning. She let out a large, exhausted sigh as she leaned back comfortably. Due to the fact that she hadn't been getting endless nights of sleep for the past three weeks, it seemed that it had caught up with her at that moment. She stared at the blank screen of the TV, barely able to keep her eyes open. They drooped down, and no matter how hard Amanda fought to keep her eyes open, she couldn't. She drifted off to sleep, falling over so she could lie on her couch. It wasn't long until she was in a deep sleep, where she was sure someone would have to break her door down to wake her up.

* * *

There was a banging at Amanda's door. It wasn't a quiet one – it was more of one filled with anger. It was a pounding, someone was trying to gain the attention of Amanda, and was going to keep pounding until she opened the door. Amanda thought she was dreaming at first, but then it got more persistent, more louder, so she knew that she had to wake up, before that someone did break down her door. She groaned slightly, as she opened her eyes, and moved her body so she could get up from the couch. Her eyes glanced over to her wall clock, and saw that it was 6 O'clock. Amanda had been asleep for three hours – that was better than nothing, she thought, as she got up and walked over to the door.

"All right, all right, I'm coming," Amanda mumbled, though she had no idea if the person behind the door could hear her, over the loud pounding. Amanda unhooked her chain on her door, and opened it, surprised to see a distressed looking Olivia standing in front of her. "Liv?" Amanda questioned, puzzlingly, as she stood aside to let her lover in. Olivia pushed past her, shoving a folded, blue paper in her hands. Amanda grabbed it, looked at it curiously, before looking back at Olivia. "They work quickly," Amanda muttered, as she shut the door. Olivia shot a glare towards Amanda, before letting out an angry sigh. "I've been summoned to court! What did you tell them?" Olivia questioned her, but by the look on her face, Amanda could tell that she already knew.

"I may, or may have not mentioned your name while I was testifying," Amanda commented, a lot quieter than Olivia had spoken. "I told them that you saw my injuries – they didn't give me time to finish speaking… I would have told them that you were concerned as a fellow colleague, but I guess the way I said it had them thinking other things," Amanda explained, feeling quiet sick. "I have to show up to court tomorrow at nine o'clock. And if they ask what my relationship is with you, I am not going to commit perjury on the stand. I will have to tell them the truth," Olivia told her, a knot starting to form in the bottom of her stomach. They were going to be outed – not only will their relationship be out in the open to the whole of New York (as court recordings are open to the public), but the Police Force would know too. Having a relationship with colleagues was against the rules – it was unethical, unprofessional, their jobs could be on the lines – for Amanda that would be a second time in less than a month. Could things get any worse?

Olivia looked at Amanda carefully – what she was about to do was heart breaking, but there was nothing else she could do. It was best for both of them. "The truth being, that we had a brief relationship after the attack, but it's all over now," Olivia commented, her voice fill of nothing but seriousness. Amanda blinked for a second, unable to comprehend what Olivia had just told her. "What?" Amanda asked, in a mere whisper, her heart pounding just as loud as Olivia had been banging on the door just moments earlier. "You're breaking up with me?" She questioned, trying to get her head around it. "Why?" She whispered, her eyes filling up with tears when Olivia answered her with a mere nod. "I have too – it's the best for both of us. We both knew when we got into this relationship, it had to stay a secret because of the rules – one 1BB find out, I can only imagine what they would do – but I can see IAB coming into this, and for both our jobs and reputations, and pride; ending this is the best option," Olivia explained, her voice less hurtful than it had been just moments before, as she realised how upset Amanda was getting. "Best option for whom? You? I don't care about pride or reputation! You can't help who you fall in love with, Olivia. And I love you! Why should anything else matter?" Amanda asked, taking a step closer to Olivia. "Because… Because my job means more to me than some relationship that we both know won't work. It's not practical. We're both women – it's obscene. It's not love you feel, Rollins – its lust. You're just confused because you were assaulted – a lot of people feel that way after a rape. It's natural," Olivia exclaimed, her eyes lacking any feeling. Amanda blinked at her once more, and took a step backwards. How could she be saying this? Did she not make love to Amanda many times over the last three weeks? Had she not comforted her when she woke up in sweat and tears because of her nightmares? Hadn't she told her multiple times that she loved her back? Why had everything suddenly changed? All because she said her name in court? They might not even ask her about their relationship! "I don't believe you," Amanda whispered, wiping her tears away that had fallen down her cheek. "Well believe it – because that's all it is. There is nothing between us anymore, and I hope you respect that. I will see you at work, after court," She muttered, before turning around and walked out of her door, and her life.

* * *

_Olivia walked out of Amanda's apartment, her heart breaking as she did so. She knew what she just did was awful, but she had to do it. She had too, for both their sakes. Olivia wished there was something else she could do, but there wasn't. No matter how much she loved the younger woman, it was the best for both of them. She got onto the elevator which was down the end of the hall, just as two men walked out. She smiled politely at them, as they exited, even though all she wanted to do was burst into tears. She sighed slightly as the elevator door closed, symbolising the closing of the relationship she had with Amanda._

Amanda stared at the door for a moment, wishing that she could take back the moment where she shouted Olivia's name to the court. If she hadn't of said anything, then Olivia wouldn't have broken up with her. She let out a small sigh, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to pour out of her eyes. But there was no holding them back – within seconds she bursted into uncontrolling tears. Amanda cried as she moved towards her bedroom. She may have been upset, but she knew she couldn't stand in front of her door forever, and the next best place was in the comfort of her own bedroom. When she got into her room, she looked at her bed, and cried even more, remembering the nights that she had shared with Olivia. Why did she have to do this? Why did she have to break her heart? Amanda climbed onto her bed, burying her head into the pillow that Olivia had been sleeping on for the past couple of weeks. Her scent on it was strong – Amanda was so lost in it. So lost, in fact that she didn't hear her door banging against the wall as it was forced open.

It wasn't until her bedroom door swung open with a loud crash, that Amanda realised someone was in her room. She sat up quickly, just as something hard hit her over the head. She blinked for a second, everything around her starting to fade to black. It didn't take long for her attacker to realise that she was going to pass out, but to make sure he covered her mouth with a cloth – soaked with chloroform. It didn't take long for Amanda to be surrounded by darkness, which allowed her attacks to carry her out of her apartment, and into a black SUV. They weren't gentle with her – the gash on her head was only one of the wounds she was now carrying on her body, she now also wore bruises due to the force her kidnappers had thrown her into the back of the vehicle. "Great, the bitch has gotten blood everywhere – that's gonna take days to clean up," One of her attackers complained, as the other started the car and drove towards their abandoned building.


	14. Please, Don't

Chapter Fourteen

Her Unplanned Life.

_Disclaimer__: I do not own Amanda Rollins, or the characters associated with this story. It belongs to the rightful owners of Law &Order: Special Victims Unit. No copyright infringement intended. Just a fan fiction I have been thinking about doing for a while._

_A/N: __Do people actually like this story so far? I know lots of people are adding it to their alerts, but I want to know what everyone thinks. So can you PLEASE review for me? (: I want to thank those who constantly review after I add a chapter – you're very helpful. (: Thanks, and I hope you enjoy this chapter._

* * *

The room was dark. Amanda wasn't sure if that was because it actually was, or if she was blind. She blinked, but nothing in the room seemed to focus. She felt dizzy, as if she was drugged. She brought her hand to her head, and let out a small groan when she felt an egg sized bump under it. She tried to sit up, but something sharp scrapped along her back, which made her change her mind. "Ouch," She murmured, trying to regain her focus so she could see where she was, or at least see how big of a space she was in. She closed her eyes, rubbed them gently, and then opened her eyes to see just a little light peeping through the bottom, of what she could only guess was a door. It was enough light to see that she was in a small room, but big enough to move around. On the walls there were nails poking out, so she knew that when she moved earlier, she had cut her back with one. She glanced around the room again, and spotted a bucket and a bottle of water._ At least they weren't going to make me dehydrated_, she thought. _But I guess I'm going to starve._

Amanda let out another groan, as she moved towards the bottle of water – she had moved too fast. Her head started to pound, and she suddenly felt very nauseous. She paused for a second, trying to hold back the vomit that was threatening to escape her lips. She didn't want too – she didn't know how long she had been out for, so she had no idea how long it had been since she last eaten. She didn't want to lose whatever food she had in her stomach. _Too late,_ she thought as she scrambled to the bucket as fast as she could. She emptied whatever she had left in her stomach – once she first spewed in the bucket, it seemed that she couldn't stop. She groaned once again, when she had nothing else to spew up. She felt terrible. She grabbed the drink of water, and took a couple of sips, to get the taste of vomit out of her mouth. It wasn't any good, but she didn't know when or if her kidnappers would replace the bottle of water. She had to save it.

Amanda glanced around her; the wall closest to her seemed free of nails, so she leaned against it. It felt uncomfortable; considering she was sure the wall wasn't made of something soft. It was hard, almost rocky, but if it was rock, why were there nails poking through? Amanda stared at the light that was seeping through into the room. Why was she here? Who had kidnapped her? Why had they kidnapped her? The trail, Murphy, Olivia all went through her mind. Maybe it had nothing to that? Maybe it had everything to do with it? Murphy did threaten her. He did tell her that she would disappear – had he gotten his boys to kidnap her? Or maybe someone figured out her relationship with Olivia, and was against same-sex relationships? Maybe it had to do with another case all together. Maybe she pissed someone else off while trying to arrest them? Amanda sighed, her head still pounding. She was sure she was filthy – with blood, and dirt, but right at that moment, she had better things to worry about – like whether or not she was going to survive the stench of her own vomit.

* * *

_It was almost lunch time – Olivia had just finished testifying on Amanda's behalf. She over reacted with the summons to court – she thought the defence had ordered her to testify, but it was Gillian. If she had actually waited for her to come into the precinct that night, instead of blaming Amanda for outing them, then she would probably still be in a relationship with her. She felt awful. All she was asked was whether or not it was true that she saw Amanda's injuries. Considering she was a co-worker, and a friend, there was no surprise that she was concerned for Amanda. Olivia was just so paranoid that they had figured out their relationship with each other, that she over reacted. She walked into the precinct, ready to apologise to Amanda, if she would even give her the time of day, but she was surprised to see that Amanda wasn't even there. Everyone else was – Munch, Fin and Amaro were all looking at the computer screen, no doubt trying to figure out the connection between the two rape victims on the case that they had picked up yesterday. Cragen was in his office, the door shut, which meant business. "Where's Rollins?" Olivia questioned, a feeling of guilt washing over her. _Did she take the day off because I had upset her that much? _Olivia thought, biting her lip ever so slightly. Amaro merely looked back at Olivia and shrugged his shoulders. "She never showed up this morning – Cragen's trying to reach her now," Fin responded, looking at her with a small raise of his eyebrow. Rollins was his partner, more or less, why did she care? _

_Olivia raised her own eyebrow, and turned towards Cragen's office, not even bothering to knock. He had just hung the phone, and was now looking at Olivia. "Where is she? Where's Amanda?" Olivia asked, concern seeping through her tone, as she realised that Cragen had no idea, which meant that she hadn't called in that morning to explain her absence. "Her cell phone went to voice message after a few tones – her home phone went straight there," Cragen responded, knowing full well why Olivia sounded so concerned. He had figured it out yesterday – the way that Amanda had said her name in court, the way they acted around each other during cases, the way they looked at each other when they worked on their paper work. He could see it; he just didn't want to get involved. All he wanted was Olivia to be happy – she had lost everything working here, it was the least she deserved. And Amanda was like a daughter to him too – she was struggling, and he could see that. He knew from the moment she transferred from Atlanta, that she was going to need a father figure, and now that she hadn't shown up to work, after attending a trail of a man who wanted her dead, he was worried. So it was only fair that Olivia was upset as well. "Go to her apartment – we'll be alright here, just give me a call if anything happens, or indicates where she is," Cragen ordered, standing up from behind his desk, and started walking towards the door. He stopped and put his hand on Olivia's shoulder. "She'll be alright, whether she is – she's strong," Cragen assured her, feeling the need to say something to stop her from worrying too much. Olivia gulped as she looked at her Captain. _Does he know? _She nodded her head, and turned around to follow him, then walked out of the precinct and down towards the parking lot, where her Crown Vic was parked._

* * *

No matter how many times she tried to get up, Amanda just couldn't handle the pain that went along with it. Her head was still pounding; just how hard did they hit me? Her legs felt unsteady, as if someone had injected a drug into them to make them numb – perhaps it was due to how hard she was forced into the car, or how rough they had been when they threw her onto the cellar floor. Amanda was able to move merely inches – and that was if she didn't stand up. She moved her body along the cold, hard concrete floor, trying to watch out for any loose, sticking out nails. Luckily there weren't any – so Amanda was free to move as far away from the bucket of spew as she could. The smell was getting to her – she couldn't think straight, she couldn't even breathe. She held the bottle of water tightly in her hands – it was the only thing that was going to keep her alive, if she was going to be stuck down here for a long time. She had no food – it was her best option.

Amanda was getting cold – there was no blanket around, and all she was wearing was a t-shirt and some black slacks. She wished that she had put on a jersey before she had fallen asleep back in her apartment. She shivered, moving her body as much as could, so she could crawl up into a small ball to keep herself warm. Just as she successfully manoeuvred her body, the door to her 'cell' bursted open, and within seconds, she was forced to her feet, and slammed against the wall. She groaned in pain, her back feeling as if it was shattering into millions of pieces. "You've pissed off the wrong man, detective," the man, who had his hand securely around her throat as he held her up. "Just think – if you hadn't of opened your big, fat mouth, you wouldn't be in this position," he laughed cruelly, and within second his fist connected with Amanda's lips, causing it to split. She could taste her coopery, salty blood pour into her mouth, as she let out a cry. "Please," She murmured, "stop," She asked, but the words didn't seem to come out of her mouth – only blood. It fell down her chin, and it caused the man to laugh even more. "Pathetic – you can't even get hit without producing blood," He commented, punching her once more, but in the same place Murphy had hit her own weeks before. "That's from Murphy," He announced, and then he threw her on the ground, not caring how much he hurt her. He came up on top of her, pulling down her slacks as leaned in close. "A sex crimes detective – about to get what she deserves," He whispered, his voice penetrating her mind, as she let out a soft whimper. She was too hurt to fight back – her mouth was throbbing, her head was pounding, her stomach had weakened her. "Please don't," was all she could manage, but he just laughed in response, as he completely removed her slacks.

* * *

_Olivia wanted nothing more than to come to Amanda's apartment to find that she was just refusing to come to work or answer her phone – but she knew that was a long shot, considering Amanda loved her job just as much as she did. She wouldn't risk doing something stupid like skipping a day at work without calling in. Olivia knew something was wrong – even as she got of the elevator on Amanda's floor, she could tell that something wasn't right. She walked to Amanda's apartment, pausing for only a second before she drew out her gun from the holster. The door was open – not because someone forgot to shut it, but like it had been kicked open. The door was broken – the handle was hanging down, like it had been ripped off. It made Olivia feel sick, but she pushed it open with her hand, while steadily holding her gun. She looked around the apartment, making sure that no one was in the house. When she completely cleared it, she put away her gun, and actually looked around, trying to get clues to where Amanda was. The kitchen and lounge area was completely clean – it looked exactly like it was when Olivia left the day before. It was when she got into Amanda's room, that her worse thoughts came true. There was blood all over her bed. It was on her pillows, some had even scattered on the wall. She stared at it for a moment, before grabbing her phone, and dialled Captain Cragen's number. "Amanda's been kidnapped," Olivia told Cragen the moment he answered his phone. There was some silence on the other end, but she knew that Cragen was still on the line, because he was still breathing into the phone. "Get the security tapes for her floor, the entrance, and any exits that the building has," Cragen ordered, Olivia's heart beating loudly in her chest. "Of course," She answered, knowing full well that those tapes were going to show her coming around every night, and show her approaching her apartment angrily, and banging on her door. "Well find her, Liv," Cragen told her, before he disconnected the phone. Olivia nodded her head, as she put her phone back into her pocket. "I know we will," She said to herself, out aloud. She glanced around Amanda's room once more, hoping, praying, that where ever she was, she was safe._


	15. You're Allowed To Love Who You Want

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Her Unplanned Life.**

**Disclaimer:_ I do not own Amanda Rollins, or the characters associated with this story. It belongs to the rightful owners of Law &Order: Special Victims Unit. No copyright infringement intended. Just a fan fiction I have been thinking about doing for a while._**

**A/N**_**:** __I'm so sorry I take so long to update – I have a very unbelievable life right now._

* * *

Nothing could describe what Amanda was feeling the moment she woke up. The pain throughout her body was excruciating. From her head, which felt like she had been hit with a hammer, all the way down to her legs, which was covered with bruises. Amanda was lying on the hard floor, and she couldn't move. She was staring at the bottle of water that she had dropped when the man grabbed her. She couldn't move to reach it, but it was the only thing that she wanted right then. Her mouth felt so dry, like she hadn't drunken anything in days. She actually didn't know whether or not it had been days. She had lost track of time – there was no way she would know how long she had been captured for. Two times now she had woken up after being knocked out due to being hit in the head, and drugged. The first time didn't hurt as bad, but now it felt like her whole body was broken. The smell in the room wasn't just her own vomit now. There was the smell of blood too. She knew that she was covered in it – especially her legs, as she could still feel the effects of the man's abuse between them. At least he had the dignity to cover her up again – Amanda couldn't even think about what it would have been like if he had left her on the cold, hard floor, half naked. A tear fell down her cheek, as she wished she was back in the arms of Olivia – which was when she remembered that she was nothing to her. Because of this, and the fact that her aching body was overwhelming her, Amanda burst into tears, unable to control them any longer_._

* * *

_It had been twenty four hours since Olivia last saw Amanda, and there still weren't any leads. Even though the building's owner had seen Olivia at Amanda's apartment more than once, he wouldn't get her the tapes to the entrance and any exits without a search warrant. Amanda had only been there for a few months, so apparently she wasn't worth the risk. Olivia had expressed her opinion to the man so openly, that Amaro had to drag her away, before she could do anything stupid. Olivia was pacing around the precinct, trying to remember any details about Amanda's apartment that had been different, other than the blood on her bed, which could help with finding her, but there was nothing out of the ordinary that she could recall. It wasn't until Alex Cabot walked into the room, holding a folded, blue paper in hands, that Olivia snapped out of her trance, and snatched it from her hands. "Finally!" She snapped, feeling rather angry at Alex for taking so long. She had asked for it over an hour ago – what took her so long? Alex raised her eyebrow curiously at Olivia, and folded her arms. "They were all in court! I practically had to follow __Petrovsky into the ladies room – she wasn't impressed, but she understood the fact that we have an officer missing, so she signed it without question. We have access to the tapes, as well as access to fingerprint in the elevators and staircases," Alex explained, as Olivia began walking towards the exit. Nick, Fin and John were all following Olivia, knowing that she was going to need as much help as she could. The previous case that they had could wait – Amanda needed more attention._

* * *

Amanda could tell that another day was ending – it was getting very cold. It was getting harder for her to move even a muscle anymore, due to it being so chilly. But she knew she had to move, or otherwise she was sure her muscles were going to stop working completely and leave her stiff. She forced herself to move from the spot that she was in, willing everything inside of her to ignore the pain that overtook her. She let out a small grown as she moved, pausing on all fours so she could breathe slightly before trying again. With another deep breath, she forced herself up from the floor, leaning against the wall to remain upright. She was lucky that, that particular spot didn't have any nails – so she didn't have to worry about being stabbed in the back. She closed her eyes, breathing in and out slowly. She froze the moment the door opened. She forced her eyes open, and forced her body to not move, even though all she wanted to do was run. The man had come back – did he want to have another go? Amanda almost screamed as he came closer, but he merely just smirked at her and threw her a blanket and a couple of bars so she could eat. "Would rather have you starve and die of the cold – but the boss said we had to be good 'hosts'," He told her, looking her up and down. "God, you bleed like a pig," He muttered, before slamming the door behind him as he left. Amanda let out a small cry, and sunk down to the ground. She gathered the blanket in her arms and pulled it over her. She also grabbed her bottle of water and the two bars he had thrown at her. It felt like she hadn't eaten in days – it was better than nothing. She opened it, and closed her eyes satisfyingly as she took the first bite. She wanted nothing but to get out of there – nothing more than be in her own apartment, nothing more to be in the arms of Olivia, nothing more to be safe. But she knew that it wasn't going to happen anytime soon, so this bar was going to be the best that she got.

* * *

_Olivia reviewed every tape like it was going to kill her if she missed any detail. She had already watched two, with her nose almost touching the screen. She couldn't believe how much time it took to get to this point – she had to review them in the security room of the building. It was ridiculous – she couldn't take any tape back to the precinct, unless it was prudent to the case. She couldn't believe how uncooperative the super was being. Amanda was his tenant! Olivia replaced the second tape with the third tape. It was the one that covered Amanda's floor. It showed the elevator, and the first couple of apartment doors on that floor. Olivia saw herself leaving the floor, looking like she was about to burst into tears. It made Olivia feel that way at that very moment, remembering what she had just done before leaving Amanda's apartment. She saw the two men she had seen before entering the elevator, then nothing. She fast forwarded it for a couple of minutes, where she almost fell out of her seat when she saw the back of the two men holding onto a women with blond hair, which was soaked in blood. "Amanda," She breathed, cursing herself mentally at the realisation that those two men that were holding her, and taking her out of her building injured was the men that she smiled at. Olivia watched as they entered the elevator, and saw that Amanda was unconscious as they turned around, and the fact that the doors had begun to close before she could get a good look at Amanda's kidnappers' faces. Olivia turned off that tape, and put it in the box that was labelled 'evidence', before putting the fourth tape in, which was hopefully going to show them exiting the building. When she reviewed it over, twice, she groaned loudly, as she did not see them exit the building from any of the exits that had a video camera operating, which meant that they had either exited through the back exit, which only maintenance used, or they fixed the camera which cut out them leaving. Olivia stared at the blank screen of the TV set for a moment, before a sound of someone clearing their throat came from behind her._

_ Tutuola had gained her attention, which made Olivia realise that they had to get back to the precinct with the new evidence. She wondered if they had figured out why Olivia was so keen on finding Amanda yet – had they seen how upset Olivia had been when she left Amanda's apartment? The look of the detectives' faces said yes, but their silence made it quite clear. "We'll find her, Olivia. She's strong, and it looks like you got a good look at these bastards – just think about it, and we'll get the best sketch artist out there," Amaro commented, standing up, as he gave her a reassuring smile. "Yeah – if anyone is going to nail these bastards, Liv, it'll be you," Munch stated, standing up as well. Olivia just nodded her head, grateful that they hadn't said anything about what else they saw. The four of them left the security room, Tutuola stopping to talk to the super, as he had refused to speak to Olivia due to her treats earlier. He was telling him about the tape that they were taking, and that if he tried to stop them, he would arrest him for obstruction. He handed it over without a fight, probably glad to get rid of Olivia. She was sure that he wouldn't let her into the building anymore, Amanda lover or not. _

_"So how long have you two, been… er… seeing each other?" Tutuola questioned Olivia as he caught up with her. She was walking behind Munch and Amaro, as she wanted to clear her head, so she didn't need the distraction. Olivia cleared her throat with a slight surprised look upon her face. "I assure you, I have no idea what you're talking about, Fin," Olivia mumbled, folding her arms across her chest. Tutuola looked at her curiously, before shoving his hands into his pockets. "It's cool, Liv. I've seen the way you've looked at each other, the way you reacted when she didn't turn up to work this morning, and the way you're acting now, knowing that she's been hurt. You're allowed to love who you want Olivia, who is anyone to judge? Especially me? My son his getting married to his boyfriend, remember?" Fin commented, like it was no big deal. "You can be happy with anyone you want, no one is going to care," He finished, which led Olivia to finally let out the tears that she had been holding back since the moment she saw the blood on Amanda's bed. "I love her so much Fin, and now she's gone. She could be dead for all I know, and the last thing I said to her was that I didn't love her, and there was nothing between us," she cried, standing outside the building, in the middle of the street for everyone to see a cop breaking down. "I just want to see her again, hold her, and tell her how much I love her. I don't know where she is and I don't know if she's alright. What if she's dead Fin? What if she's been seriously hurt?" Olivia asked which caused Fin to curse himself mentally as he pulled her into his arms to comfort her. Olivia cried on his shoulder, unable to hold back the tears. Munch and Amaro sat awkwardly in the car, not knowing what to say or do. They just pretended they couldn't hear anything, even though they were hearing everything she was saying. Fin was right though – they didn't care that her and Amanda were seeing each other. It was their business. "Amanda is a strong woman. She knows how to take care of herself in this kind of situation, I am sure – besides, if she was dead, you would know wouldn't you? Have a gut feeling or something?" Fin questioned her, pulling Olivia back so he could look at her. Olivia merely nodded her head. "I g-guess," She choked out, wiping her eyes. "I'm so god damn scared that I'm going to lose her – I only just got her," She whispered, biting her lip ever so slightly. Fin rubbed her shoulders gently. "She's strong, Olivia," He repeated, reminding her of what she already knew. Olivia nodded her head, agreeing. "Yes, I know. Let's go back to the precinct, so I can nail these bastards to the wall," She stated, venom almost seeping through her voice as she thought about the two men that she had smiled at, the men who had kidnapped her girlfriend. Both Olivia and Fin got into the car, leaving the building behind them, with CSU checking for fingerprints in the elevator, Amanda's apartment, and stairwells. _


	16. I'm Sorry

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Her Unplanned Life.**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Amanda Rollins, or the characters associated with this story. It belongs to the rightful owners of Law &Order: Special Victims Unit. No copyright infringement intended. Just a fan fiction I have been thinking about doing for a while.

**A/N:** Please review? I'll update quicker if I know that people are enjoying this. (:

* * *

Amanda woke up shivering – she knew it had to be sometime in the middle of the night, because the light from beneath the door had vanished, and it was unbelievably cold. She groaned as she moved her fragile body from the spot it was lying, to sit up against the hard, rocky, nail-infested wall. She tried to make herself warmer by bringing the blanket further up her arms, and tucking it behind her shoulders. But it wasn't any good – the blanket was too short, so it barely covered her toes. She sighed as she brought the blanket down again, thinking she would rather keep her feet rather than lose them due to frost bite or something along those lines. She felt around beside her, her hands landing on the bottle of water, which she had almost finished. She couldn't believe she was thinking this, but she hoped the man would be back the next day to give her another bottle. She brought it to her lips, and drained the last droplets of liquid into her mouth. She let out a small, frustrated cry when she realised it was all gone. How could this be happening to me? She thought, as she buried her head into her hands. She wished she was someplace else – somewhere where there was light, and warmth. Somewhere where there was someone to hold her. She wondered if anyone was even out looking for her – sure she would have missed a day of work, but how was that suspicious? She had just gone through a trail to put away her attacker, put away the man who had threatened to kill her – they could have thought she needed another day to get back on track. Oh I hope Olivia knows that something is wrong. I hope she realises that I'm missing. That thought alone made Amanda wonder if Olivia had thought she had taken a day off, because she couldn't bear to see Olivia after what had happened the night before. She would have been half right – Amanda probably would have ignored her completely if she actually had the opportunity to work with her again. She had broken her heart. It was the most horrible feeling in the world – at least that was what Amanda had thought before she was hit over the head with something heavy, drugged with chloroform, kicked and punched in her already injured abdomen, and raped. She didn't think that anything else could be worse – except for death, which she thought might happen if she could even last another night in the hell hole that she was in.

* * *

_"No, NO! I said brown hair, not black! You've got to get the details right, or the sketch will be useless," Olivia snapped at the poor young man who had been brought in to do a sketch of the two men that Olivia had seen. The camera tape had been useless in the investigation – all it proved, was that, Amanda was indeed taken from her apartment, only moments after Olivia had left. It seemed like her kidnappers had worked out where all the cameras were hidden around the building, and had avoided them. There was no way of identifying them, except for Olivia's memory. "Sorry, Ma'am," the artist mumbled, as he started again on the sketch, this time giving the man brown hair. "He had a scar on his right eyebrow, just at the end there," Olivia told him, pointing to the spot where she remembered seeing a scar. "It was small, like it had been cut with a razor blade while shaving or something," Olivia described, trying her hardest to give every detail that she remembered._

_"That's it. That's the first man. Fantastic," Olivia blurted out once the man had finished sketching the scar. She took the piece of paper from the table, and walked over to the whiteboard, and placed the paper on it. "Suspect number one – he seemed to me to be the more dominant one of the two. I remember him not seeming to happy when I smiled at him," Olivia commented to the male detectives, who were going through Amanda's LUDs, her voice almost sounding dangerous as she mentioned the smile. Even thinking about it made her want to vomit – she had smiled at her girlfriend's kidnappers. Not that she could call her, her girlfriend anymore. _

_Olivia took a deep breath as she tried to hold back the tears that threatened to escape her once more, and returned to the table once again, ready to describe the second suspect. "He was a lot scrawnier looking – a baby face really. He had blue eyes, dirty blonde hair. His nose was rather crooked, like it had been broken before," Olivia described, closing her eyes as she tried to remember what he looked like. Even though she was a cop, and she was trained to remember every detail of a suspect, it was proving rather hard to remember every little detail – now she truly knew how the victims felt as they tried to describe their attackers. "His forehead was rather high – I remember thinking it must have been a difficult childhood for him to have a bigger forehead than his school mates," Olivia commented, as opened her eyes. "His face was more round," Olivia offered, as she looked down at the drawing of the second suspect. When she was confident that the sketch was finished, and that was in fact a good replica of the suspect, she thanked the man for his services, and put the picture up next to the other one of the whiteboard. "And here is the second one. These bastards have Amanda held captive – I hope none of you expect to get any sleep tonight, because nobody's going home until I find her," Olivia commented, realising the slip of her tongue the moment she said it. "We. Until we find her," She corrected herself, clearing her throat as she turned away from the accusing eyes of her co-workers. _

_Cragen had now joined in on the meeting; his eyes were drawn on Olivia, knowing full well what she meant. Only moments earlier he had gone over the tapes to double check for anything that the others may have missed, and had noticed how angry Olivia had entered when she got out of the elevator on Amanda's floor, and how upset she was when she left. It didn't take a genius to know what had happened – especially when he had noticed how wet Amanda's face had looked when he saw her knocked out in the elevator, and it wasn't due to her blood. He was concerned that Olivia was taking this far too personally, blaming it on herself, for what had happened. He wanted to make she was going to be okay, to work this case. But he knew that Olivia was far too stubborn to walk away from this – especially because she loved Amanda far too much to let anyone else come to her rescue. He could see it in her face, saw how much she was hurting, how much she longed for Amanda; he knew love when he saw it. He had the same look on his face towards his wife, when she was still alive. It actually pained him to see Olivia like this, but there wasn't much he could do – there was very little evidence that could help find the whereabouts of Amanda, and there weren't any useable finger prints from her apartment, or the elevator due to the kidnappers wearing gloves. CSU proved no help, only in verifying that Olivia had indeed been in Amanda's apartment. _

_"Run the faces through the facial recognition __software__**– **__if they have a record, their faces should be in the system," Olivia ordered Amaro, who merely nodded his head, and walked up to the whiteboard to take down the two sketches. "Anything of use in her LUDs?" She questioned Fin, who merely shook his head. "Other than yours, and a couple of Atlanta numbers, nothing," Fin answered. He looked up at Olivia curiously. "Unless you want me to run the Atlanta numbers? Someone could have followed her here," Fin suggested, remembering what Amanda had told him about why she transferred. Olivia nodded her head. "That could be a possibility," Olivia mused, her mind automatically thinking about Amanda's first stroke of bad luck with the deputy chief of the Atlanta Police Department. "How many numbers are there?" Olivia asked, walking over to the table where Fin and John were still sitting. "Two," Fin answered, moving the paper towards her, and pointed to the two different numbers. "There have been several calls to and from both of them, from the moment she arrived here in New York," Fin told Olivia, as she looked over them. Olivia merely nodded her head. "Run them, see who the numbers belong too," She ordered as she moved away from the table. She turned to see Cragen watching her. _

_"Anything you spot on the tapes that we didn't?" Olivia questioned, making sure she didn't slip her tongue once again by adding a personal account to the question. Cragen shook his head. "Nothing. CSU's report came back – no useful fingerprints in any of the locations. The blood is all hers, I'm afraid, only one blood type," Cragen informed her, regretfully. Olivia took another deep breath, trying to take the news not so personally. "How much did she lose? I only caught a glimpse of it before I called you," Olivia asked him, wanting to know if it serious enough to be life threatening. "Not enough to suggest a serious injury – just a small knock to the head to knock her out, I presume – there was also traces of CHCI3, so she was drugged," Cragen told her, knowing that she wouldn't be happy if he left anything out. Olivia nodded her head, taking in the information carefully. __Poor Amanda. I shouldn't have left you alone. I should have stayed with you – it was obvious you were upset. And I made you that way__. Olivia blinked a couple of times before Cragen put his hand on her right shoulder. "This is not your fault, Olivia – I doubt the attackers would have stopped their plans just because you were there. They would have probably taken you too, or worse, killed you, because you would have been in their way," Cragen told her, and Olivia knew he was right, but she still couldn't help feeling like she was to blame. "I know," Olivia commented, nodding her head, trying to keep the tears in. "I just want to find her. Alive," She stated, taking Cragen's hand in hers. "Thank you – I know you're just looking out for me, but right now I need to focus on finding her. I'll be fine once we get her to safety. I won't rest until she's in my arms again," Olivia said as she patted his hand, gratefully. _

_With that in mind, Olivia let go of Don's hand and turned to face Amaro. "Any hits on the faces?"_

* * *

Life can be so unfair sometimes. Everything could be so great one minute, then an instant it could turn upside down. One minute Amanda was happy, and then the next she finds herself locked up in a small room with no light or way to get out. One minute she was in love, then the next she was crying her eyes out because she just lost the one person who made her the happiest girl in the world. One minute she was pure, in terms of innocence, and now she felt dirty, guilty and broken. One minute she was being fussy because of overcooked, dried out chicken, and now it was all she wanted. Amanda never realised how lucky she had been in terms of her life until those moments. She had everything she could ask for – if only she hadn't gambled away all her money, then she wouldn't have had to borrow from Murphy. If she hadn't of gambled, then she wouldn't be staring into the dark right now, listening to her stomach growl at her, because she was so darn starving. She wouldn't be sitting there, in the dark room, afraid to move because of her broken body. She was sure one of her rips was broken – it was hard to breathe, with a sharp pain always erupting when she did so. Her inner thighs felt bruised and broken – she wasn't even sure she had stopped bleeding down there, since it was so dark. She was afraid to go back to sleep, as she didn't want the man to come in finding her vulnerable. She felt disgusted just thinking that his stuff was sitting inside of her, knowing full well that he didn't wear any condom when he forced himself into her. She knew the odds of falling pregnant – if Olivia didn't find her within 48 hours, she would probably be doomed. It was just her luck that her body was ovulating. Amanda felt sick just thinking about it. She stared into the darkness, wondering what time it was, wishing that she had been wearing a watch when she was attacked. It had a light on it – a pretty powerful one too – for a watch. It would have been a lot easier to see where she was, and what surrounded her. She was sure there would be more than a bucket and a bottle of water left for her. But there was no point dwelling on what could have been. She had no watch. She had no light. She couldn't even move. So there was no point doing anything, but wait for the only light that she could use – the one that signalised a new day.

I need to pee, Amanda thought to herself as she opened her eyes after drifting off again. She really didn't want too, but she was just so darn tired that she had no choice. She could see the light pouring in from under the door, so at least she could see where the bucket was. She forced her body up from the ground, and crawled over to the vomit infested bucket. She removed her slacks, wincing in pain as she did so. She glanced down at her legs – blood was everywhere. She cringed at the sight of it – if anyone was to see this, they would automatically think it was her time of month – but it wasn't. This blood was due to being torn apart by a monster. She almost started to cry once more, as she held her body above the bucket, peeing into it – but she didn't because she heard something from outside the door. She quickly finished peeing, pulled her pants back on, and moved back to the blanket, and brought it up to her shoulders, as if it was meant to protect her. The door bursted open, and a man came inside, holding a plate of food. It was a different man – he had blonde hair. He seemed a lot smaller too, like he was gentle. He glanced at Amanda, but his stare didn't last long. If Amanda didn't know any better, she would have guessed that this man actually felt sorry for her. But this man kidnapped her along with the other monster – so why should he feel sorry? He walked over to her and passed her the plate. On it was two pieces of bread, and something that she could only guess was scrambled eggs. "Thank you," Amanda choked, taking the plate from him, with trembling hands. The fork rattled against the plate as she brought it closer to her, resting it on her knees. The young man nodded his head, and walked back towards the door. He stopped, then looked back at her, looking as if he was debating with himself on whether he should talk to her or not. Finally, after staring at her for a good twenty seconds, he opened his mouth. "I'm sorry," He mumbled, before exiting the room and locking the door behind him. Amanda stared at the blank door for a moment, before looking down at her food. It looked as if it hasn't even been cooked probably, but she was far too hungry to care. She stuffed it into her mouth, not even bothering with the fork. She needed the food in her stomach as soon as possible – large amounts would do the trick.

* * *

_"__Tyrone Jackson and Wesley Tanner," Olivia announced, pinning the two police pictures of the kidnappers onto the board. "Both have been arrested for gambling charges; money laundering, robbery, fraud, racketeering, extortion and assault – both neither convicted for a very long time, because they were able to afford very well-known Lawyers," Olivia told the other detectives, her voice obvious with anger. If they had been convicted for their crimes, then Amanda would be safe with her. "They work for Murphy – so it's obvious that Amanda was taken because of the fact that she testified against him. The first thing that we're going to do, is search any assets under their names; houses, buildings, or vehicles," Olivia commanded, looking from the detectives to the pictures of Amanda's kidnappers. "These sons of a bitch have Amanda – we need to bring her back safe and sound. We have to find where they're keeping here," Olivia stated, her fingers brushing over the picture of Amanda which was located in the middle of the bored, to remind them that she was the reason for this investigation. She paused for a second, staring at her, wishing that she could see the real Amanda, instead of a picture. __I'm sorry, __Olivia thought to herself as felt a tear run down her cheek. _

_Fin noticed that she was getting upset again, so he knew he had to distract her. He cleared his throat, and stood up from behind the table. "I have the results from those two Atlanta numbers – one of them belongs to the Atlanta Police Department, I'm guessing she's been keeping in touch with her old captain, Sam Reynolds," Fin commented, remembering the time that he had met him in the club only a week before. Olivia nodded her head, thinking about the conversation she had with Amanda about how they were once attracted to each other. She couldn't help but feel a twang of jealousy – the thought of her talking to someone she was once in love with was hurtful. "And the other?" Olivia pressed, knowing that it had nothing to do with the case, but she wanted to know anyway. "The other belongs to Peachford Hospital – I enquired about whether or not they had any contact with Amanda, and they said that her sister, Ashley Rollins is a patient there," Fin answered, which Olivia already knew. She should have known that, that was one of the numbers – she talked about her sister often. "Thanks Fin," Olivia commented, feeling slightly reassured that Atlanta had absolutely nothing to do with the investigation. Now, all that Olivia needed to do was track down the location of where Amanda was – so with that in mind, she walked over to the computer and started searching Jackson's property records._


	17. Try To Escape

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Her Unplanned Life.**

**_Disclaimer_**_**:** I do not own Amanda Rollins, or the characters associated with this story. It belongs to the rightful owners of Law &Order: Special Victims Unit. No copyright infringement intended. Just a fan fiction I have been thinking about doing for a while._

**_A/N: _**_Please review?_

* * *

Three days had past and Amanda knew that every moment that went by, meant there was less chance of her being found. She knew it had been at least three days, because she had now seen the light under the door three times. She felt hopeless – her body was still bruised, so she could hardly move. It didn't help that every time the door opened, she froze, thinking that it was going to be that awful man coming back to finish what he started. But only one man had come in since he did, and he was the nice one. He was the one who gave her food, who gave her water, who gave her more blankets when the nights grew colder. He even emptied the bucket for her every once in a while, so she wouldn't die from her own bodily fluids. For all the nice things he had done for him, Amanda could only return the gesture by staring at him, afraid to speak, afraid to _blink_ in fear for her safety. She felt pathetic. She knew deep down that she had to do something – she had to ignore the pain within her, and fight back, to try and escape.

Being trapped in the dark for three days only proved to be helpful for her – her eyes had begun to adjust to her surroundings, so she had become familiar to where she was being kept. She knew that the door was right opposite where she was sitting. She knew that the walls with the nails were either side of her, as she knew to avoid them. She knew she had enough room to move around, because before she was beaten to the point she could hardly move, she had walked around it. She had basically worked out the schedule of the young man who brought her food – since she had nothing to do, she had been counting over and over in her head, and she knew that every time she hit the number 5000, he would come in for one reason or another. Amanda knew she couldn't just outright try and fight back against her kidnappers – she had to think of a plan. She had to move her body around, as she hadn't done so in so long. She couldn't just expect her body to cooperate with her. She needed to practice.

Even though the room, _prison_, was extremely cold, Amanda pushed away the blankets from her body. She forced herself to stand, holding onto the wall as support as she did so. The task proved to be excruciating, but she had to do it. She tried to stay quiet, but it was so difficult not to let out a cry of pain. She put her hand over her mouth to make her noises seem less noisy. She winced as she continued up the wall, slowly, but still making progress. Finally she was standing upright. She still had to keep leaning against the wall, because her legs had begun shaking. She guessed it was due to sitting down for far too long, and not getting enough food. She hoped that it wasn't because her legs were damaged. She pushed herself off the wall gently, so she was standing up on her own. It was painful, but she tried to ignore the pain as she started walking slowly around the room. Her cracked rips protested, wanting to make her scream, but she knew she just had to ignore it. She kept walked, her hand kept out in front of her, just in case. She counted each step she took, trying to measure out how much room she had. If she knew that, then it might be easier to plan her attack. She held her side with her other hand, wondering if it would help kill the pain or not. It proved to help a little bit, which was better than no help at all.

Satisfied that she had walked around the whole room, Amanda walked back to the place she had been before, directly opposite of the door with the light peering through the bottom. All she had to do now was build the strength back up in her arms and legs. She slid down the wall, but stopped half way down it, so it looked as if she was sitting on a chair. It hurt like hell, but she had to build up her leg muscles. She sat in that position, counting in her head. She felt herself wanting to give up, but she kept pushing herself to do another twenty seconds, another ten, another five, until finally her legs gave way and she fell to the ground with a thud. Luckily there were a couple of blankets piled up in a bundle, and it was able to break her fall, so she wasn't hurt. She sighed when she realised that was the best she was going to do, in terms of what she could to get her strength back. The only other thing she could think of doing was going for a run, but of course, that was impossible. Now she had to work on her arms. She felt around for her two bottles of water. They were both filled right to the top – she hadn't drunken for a while, because she wanted to save the water for later, just in case her kidnappers decided they weren't going to give her anymore. Since they were both rather heavy, Amanda held them in both hands, and brought her arms out to the side. She held them there, once more resuming her counting. She tried to hold her arms up for as long as she could, but just like before, her arms protested against her, and won. Annoyed, slightly out of breath, and feeling rather dizzy, Amanda gave in to her water saving, and took a couple of large mouthfuls of one of her bottles.

Amanda then settled back in her spot, staring at the door. She lifted the blankets back onto her body, wanting to feel the warmth again, rather than the freezing cold. She started counting once again, the familiar rhythm of her day returning. Now all she had to do was wait. Wait for the nice man to come in, so she could attack him. He was careless with the door – he always left it open. He was her only chance of survival.

* * *

_It was fair to say that Olivia was truly losing her mind. She had gone nuts – crazy even. She hadn't slept in days, and refused to listen to anybody who told her to get some rest. She always retorted with 'what if this was your partner? Would you let them suffer just so you could catch up on your beauty sleep?' By now, everyone in the 16__th__ Precinct knew about her relationship with Amanda. Everyone knew why she was so determined to find her. So nobody really wanted to get in her way. Unfortunately, it made it difficult for anyone to work with her, even though everyone wanted to find Amanda safe and sound. Uniformed cops were starting to get irritated by her commands; some even went as far as reminding her that she wasn't the boss of them. This made her even madder, and if Cragen hadn't stepped in, reminding the cop that he was the captain, and repeated her order, then Olivia would have done something incredibly stupid. No one could understand what Olivia was feeling – it had been three days, and there was still no clue on the whereabouts of Amanda. They had come to a dead end on any of the properties that the two men owned – they had even checked out Murphy's, and came up with nothing. It was driving Olivia insane, as well as everyone around her._

_It was now 12:35pm and Olivia had just finished scowling at two policemen who had taken time out to eat lunch. "Do you think that Amanda is so lucky to spare a few moments to indulge in luxury food?" She had asked them, hoping that at least they were feeding her. She knew what the odds were if they weren't. Just the thought made her more determined than before to find her. She walked over to the whiteboard, reviewing everything they had so far. The perps, their employment history, their education history, their criminal history. There was something in this set of information that she needed, that held the key to where they were keeping Amanda. There had to be something that they had missed earlier. She stared at it, looking, searching, and praying for some kind of miracle that she would find it, when suddenly her eyes lit up, like she had seen a dozen presents under a Christmas tree. _

"_I'VE FOUND IT!" Olivia cried, startling anyone who was around her as she ripped down both their criminal records from the board. "They knew each other before they met Murphy," Olivia exclaimed, moving over to the table where the others were sitting, reviewing Amanda's mail that they had received from her building's super. They all looked up at her, wondering what she as on about. "They went to the same juvenile facility together – their records should have been expunged the moment they finished their sentence, but as soon as they got out they committed another crime – they burnt it down," She explained, pushing the piece of paper into the middle of the table. "I'm so stupid! I should have seen this the moment we got their records, but I completely missed it! They pleaded guilty and only served five years in a psychiatric__hospital," She continued, her finger pointing to the time line she was talking about. "After that they must have started gambling and met Murphy, because they laid low for a while before getting charged with assault with a deadly weapon. They've been partners for years, got the same convictions on everything," She stated, her voice filled with annoyance. "That juvenile facility was burnt down, but half of the building still remains intact. I will bet you anything that they are there – where they committed their first crime together," Olivia stated, her gut telling her that she was completely right._

_Apparently her gut was the only one thinking that she was right – right away, Fin jumped up from his chair and hurried over to the computer. "What facility was it?" He questioned as he brought up the search engine onto the system. Olivia looked at the sheet of paper once more. "Saint Vincent's Juvenile Centre for Boys," Olivia responded, walking over behind the computer to see where it was located. "It's located in the Orchard Park Reservoir ," Fin stated. "Let's go," Olivia ordered, grabbing her jacket from behind her chair. "We'll put on vests in the car – we don't know what kind of weapons they are carrying – we're better to be safe than sorry," Olivia pointed out, as she watched as Fin and Amaro grabbed their coats. Olivia looked over at John – she understood why he wasn't moving. He wasn't as young as he used to be – this would have been hard on his body to deal with. "Brief Don when he gets back from the press realise," Olivia commanded, even though he was a higher rank than her. This was Olivia's case. This was Amanda they were talking about – Munch understood. "Of course. Stay safe – I want to see all of you back here in one piece," He stated, watching as Olivia and the others began to walk out of the Precinct. "Don't worry – I plan too," Olivia commented, just before she entered the elevator to go down to the car park. "Call for back up," She yelled out, just as the elevator doors began to close, which Munch did right away._

* * *

**A/N 2: **What you think? Do you think that Amanda has enough strength to escape? Or will Olivia be able to get there in time to rescue her before she's seriously hurt again? Please review and let me know what you think!. BTW. I made up the Juvenile Centre, and I don't live in New York, so I don't even know where anything is. So just keep that in mind._  
_


	18. They Won't Question My Motives

Chapter Eighteen

Her Unplanned Life.

_Disclaimer__: I do not own Amanda Rollins, or the characters associated with this story. It belongs to the rightful owners of Law &Order: Special Victims Unit. No copyright infringement intended. Just a fan fiction I have been thinking about doing for a while._

_A/N: __Please review?_

* * *

_Pretend to be dead, wait till he checks on me, wait till he comes close, hit him in the face with a full water bottle, and use all my strength to push him into the wall of nails, _Amanda thought to herself over and over, as she stared at the door in front of her. She was waiting for any indication of someone coming down to where she was – she just needed that signal, to get into position for her attack. She had been thinking it over and over, so she wouldn't forget it. It was etched into her mind. Now all she had to do was wait, and pray that they left the door open so she could escape quickly. She wasn't one hundred percent on who would be coming into the room, but she hoped that it was the monster – that way, she wouldn't feel as guilty if she killed him. She wasn't sure if she was that strong to be able to kill him, but she was sure that if anything he would be seriously injured. She had cut her back on one nail – she would hate to think what it would be like to be impaled into at least twenty of them at once. But it was the only way – the only way she was certain that she could escape. She just had to make sure that her body was up to the running. She walked around the room millions of times as preparation, held her body up by standing in a sitting position against the wall – she did everything she could to get strength in her legs. She just hoped it was enough.

When she heard the sound of someone coming down the stairs, Amanda lay down on the ground, facing the wall, so her back was towards the door. She held her breath when she heard the door unlocking, and closed her eyes when she heard the door open. She heard the man breathing loudly, like it was rough. She knew instantly that it was in fact the monster – this made her heart pound a little quicker. She willed it to stay quiet, but when she heard footsteps it seemed like her heart was going to make her plan fail. It had to look like she was dead. She had to keep still, keep quiet. She felt a jab in the lower part of her back, when the man's foot connected with it. "Get up – I want to have some fun," He grunted, kicking her again, but Amanda remained silent, refusing to give in to the pain that she was feeling. She made no sound, she didn't move an inch; she just laid there. "You dead or something?" He asked, the sound of amusement dripping in his voice, like it was funny that a woman couldn't last three days in a dark, concealed, cell, with hardly any food or water to keep her alive. He came down close to her, to see if he could hear her breathing. He had no idea that she was holding a water bottle under her. It wasn't until she swung it upwards, and felt it connect with the side of his face, that he realised that it was a set up. "You bitch!" He yelled, his hand coming up to his face. She had hit him so hard, that he was suddenly seeing stars. Without a seconds thought, Amanda moved her body and pushed the man with as much strength as she could, making him fall back with a blood curdling scream. Amanda had never heard anything like it come out of a man – especially not one that she feared. The sound rattled her emotionally, but seeing the light in his eyes drop to darkness was worse. She stared at him for a moment, watching as his head dropped, signalling that he was no longer alive. His blood dripped on the floor. _Drip, drip, drip. _

Amanda couldn't believe that she had just killed someone – but she knew she was wasting time, and she needed to get out of there, so she turned and ran out of the door and ascended up the stairs, two at a time. She had to get out of there, she needed to escape. She busted through the door, her eyes squinting due to the bright lights that hit her as she did so. She put her hand over her eyes, to cover from it, wasting only moments so she could let her eyes adjust to the change of light. Once her eyes did adjust, she quickly glanced around the room, trying to figure out where she was, and where the nearest exit was. The sight was quite appealing – the walls were scorched with black soot, like it had been burnt down. The walls weren't even completed – there was no roof, it was just the remains of what she could only assume was a house. She glanced around once more, her eyes landing on a figure that made her want to scream. It was the nice man – only he didn't seem so nice now. In fact he looked dangerous – scarier than the man who had raped her. He was holding a gun – it was pointed straight at her. "You killed him. We brought you food, and blankets, and water, yet you killed him. So now I am going to kill you," He stated through his teeth. It wasn't a blank threat, and Amanda knew it. She stared at the barrel of the gun, knowing it was only a matter of seconds before he pulled the trigger. It was as if her life flashed before her eyes. She saw her parents, she saw the police at her door, telling her that her parents had been killed in a car crash, she saw her sister lying on a floor, with drugs laying down beside her, she saw herself getting abused by the deputy chief, saw her affair with Sam, saw herself wasting her money gambling, saw herself getting attacked by Murphy and Parker, saw herself with Olivia, saw herself getting heart broke after Olivia broke up with her. It was like her life was just one bad movie, with nothing but tears and heartbreaks – but even though her mind wanted her to see the bad things that happened in her life, she knew nothing was as bad as this moment right here and now. She was going to be killed – she would never see her sister again. She would never know if she would recover from her illness. She would never be able to hear her voice ever again. She would never be able to see Olivia again. She would never get to say sorry to her about everything she said in court. Never be able to fix their relationship, if there was anything to fix. Amanda blinked for a second, a tear falling down her face as she watched the man move his finger.

The impact of the bullet was unimaginable. She fell to the ground with a large thud, her breathing becoming rapidly short. Everything around her started going dark – she tried to keep breathing, tried to keep her eyes open, but it was proving to be incredibly difficult. Soon darkness over took her, and she could hear nothing. Nothing, but the faint sound of sirens…

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_Olivia jumped out of the car as soon as they arrived at the burnt down building. The car hadn't even stopped moving, but she was out of there, like she was being shot out of a canon. They might have been in the car, with their sirens blazing, but the sound of that shot was so loud, Olivia was sure that the whole of New York had heard it. She ran towards the building, her gun in her hands as she did so. She stopped running the moment she saw Wesley Tanner holding a gun that was pointed to Amanda's head. Olivia glanced at Amanda, and saw that she was on the ground, bleeding out, and unconscious. At least she __**hoped**__ that she was unconscious. "Put down that gun, NOW!" Olivia blurted out, her gun pointing direct at Wesley. "I will shot you, if you move an inch," She warned, but Wesley didn't say a word. He stared down at Amanda, his gun still pointed at her head. "She's dead," He commented, shortly afterwards, sensing how angry Olivia was. "But I've got to make sure – she killed him, I have to kill her. I have to make sure," He stated, lifting the gun ever so slightly, and began to move his finger once more. Olivia screamed, and went to pull the trigger on her own gun, but before she could, she heard a loud bang. She screamed again, thinking that she hadn't been fast enough, and he had shot Amanda once more, but then another shot came, and Wesley suddenly fell down on top of Amanda, unmoving. Olivia glanced beside her and saw Nick holding his gun in the direction of the now dead man. "They won't question my motives," Nick commented, putting his gun back into his holster. Olivia did the same thing, nodding her head to thank him. She then ran over to Amanda, pushing Wesley's body away from her. _

_Olivia gasped when she saw how much blood there was. Some of it was dried blood, and she knew right away what had happened. "Oh Amanda," She whispered, her hand grabbing onto Amanda's hand, while she put the other onto top of the bullet wound, to try and stop the bleeding. "Amanda, honey, please wake up. Please. Don't die on me," She whispered frantically, tears falling down her cheek, as she tried to wake her. "Please, come on, Mandy, honey, stay with me. Open your eyes. You're strong, please don't die. I love you," Olivia told her, as she kept pressure on the wound. Another set of sirens became louder and louder as it approached the building – Nick had called in a bus, and they were going to be there any moment. "Please, Mandy, wake up – the bus is here. They're going to take you to the hospital, they're going to make you feel better," Olivia told her, trying desperately not to break down completely, at the sight of the woman she loved, lying on the hard cold floor, bleeding out. Olivia was about to give up any hope that she was going to wake up, when suddenly a groan escaped Amanda's lips._

"Olivia?" Amanda groaned, wondering if she was dead and imagining Olivia's voice, and the fact that Olivia had just said that she loved her. She must have been dead – she had been shot. She could feel the cold seeping through her body already. She had to be gone. So why could she hear Olivia's voice? How come she was thinking?

_Olivia's eyes grew wide. "Amanda? Amanda honey – you're alright, you're going to be fine. Just hang in there okay, the paramedics will be here any second," She told her, gripping her hand a little tighter, to reassure her. "I love you," She repeated, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "You have to stay with me, okay?" She questioned, wishing that she would hurry up and open her eyes. _

Amanda knew that there was no way she could be dead – she had heard her voice again, and it seemed SO real. She flickered her eyes open, the moment she felt her hand being squeezed and the touch of warm lips on her forehead. She said it again – I love you. She wasn't imagining it. She couldn't be. When her eyes fell upon the face of an angel, she let out a little cry. "Olivia," She said again, winching in pain she tried to sit up.

_"No, honey – you need to stay still. You've lost a lot of blood, and I don't know how serious your gunshot wound is – you need to stay still until the paramedics get here," Olivia told her, trying to calm her down by rubbing her thumb along her hand. "Be brave, my darling – you're going to be safe and sound soon, you just wait," She told her, knowing that she had to keep her still, or otherwise she might lose her again, but this time for good._

_The sound of someone pushing in a stretcher made Olivia shift her gaze away from Amanda. She saw two paramedics enter the destroyed room, both hurrying to Amanda's side. "Miss, you need to move," One of the paramedics told her. "It's detective, not miss!" Olivia snapped, but none the less, she moved out of the way, no matter how reluctant she was about leaving Amanda's side. She had to let them save her. She watched impatiently as they carefully, but hurriedly placed Amanda onto the stretcher. She followed them out to the ambulance, watched as they loaded her in, and watched as they started putting needles into her precious skin, connecting wires to her body, putting oxygen on her mouth. She jumped into the back of the bus, against the protest of the paramedic who was trying to work on her. "She's my girlfriend! There is NO way I am leaving her!" Olivia snapped back. There was no way they could argue against her, besides it would only waste time, so within moments, they ambulance doors were shut, and they were on their way to Mercy Hospital in Buffalo. _

Amanda must have passed out again, because even though she knew she was in the back of an ambulance, and she knew that Olivia was beside her, everything kept going dark. She couldn't feel the pain any longer, but everything was black. She knew she wasn't dying though – because she could hear everything that was going on. She could hear the sirens blasting, as they whizzed through streets to get to the nearest hospital, she could hear something beeping, which she could only guess was her heart beat. She could hear Olivia telling her how sorry she was about hurting her, about leaving her, and for not finding her more quickly. She wanted to say something back to her, but she couldn't due to the fact that there was an oxygen mask covering her mouth, and the fact that she kept blacking out. "Its okay, Amanda, I'm right here – everything is going to be okay," was the last thing Amanda heard before everything went completely dark and silent once again.

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**A/N 2:** _Please review! I really LOVE getting them (: And thanks too all my followers and people who favourited my story and me as an author ;) I love you all! It was hard writing this chapter. I didn't know how to write it :/ I hope you all like it though! Wonder what happens to Amanda..._


	19. Her Unplanned Life

**Chapter Nineteen**

**Her Unplanned Life.**

**_Disclaimer_**_**:** I do not own Amanda Rollins, or the characters associated with this story. It belongs to the rightful owners of Law &Order: Special Victims Unit. No copyright infringement intended. Just a fan fiction I have been thinking about doing for a while._

**_A/N: _**_Please review? PLEASE forgive me. I am NOT a medical knowledge base person. In fact, I know nothing about medicine or what they do in situations of a shooting, so PLEASE bear with me, ok?_

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_Nothing could have prepared Olivia for what she heard at that moment. Amanda's heart started to flat line, and all Olivia could think about was how much she loved her, and couldn't lose her. "Please Amanda – stay with me," She screamed, rather hopelessly, as she took Amanda's hand in her own. "She's coding!" called the paramedic closest to her. He tried to get her heart rate back up by trying to stop the blood, which was rushing out, and stabilising her breathing with the oxygen mask. Olivia stared hopelessly as she watched the scene unfold. She had been forced to release Amanda's hand, even though she didn't want to let go. She had to sit back and let them save her – there was nothing for her to do but to hope that she would pull through. She had seen this plenty of times with other victims, but because it was Amanda, Olivia felt like she couldn't breathe. Watching her bleed was bad enough, but hearing the machine telling them that her heart was coding, was enough to make Olivia want to scream. But she had to hold it in – she couldn't break down now, she had to be strong for Amanda when she woke up. Olivia breathed a sigh of relief when Amanda's heart beat finally stabilised, and the machine was beating at a normal pace. _

Amanda's eyes flickered open, just as the ambulance pulled into the hospital emergency entrance. She blinked a couple of times, because the light shone brightly in her eyes. She had to think to remember where she was, but as soon as she heard the ambulance doors open, and the sound of the siren turning off, and Olivia breathing a very loud sigh of relief, she remembered that she was heading to the hospital. She had been shot. The oxygen mask she had on her face, which helped her breathing, seemed to help ease the pain – she couldn't feel anything. But she knew it was bad – she could see the look in Olivia's eyes as she was wheeled past her and into the entrance doors. "Olivia?" She whispered, wanting nothing more than to be reassured that everything was going to be alright. She couldn't bear the thought of dying – but she was sure that she would, if they didn't fix her bullet wound soon.

_Olivia was following Amanda closely behind the stretcher, when she heard her say her name. "I'm right here, honey, it's going to be okay," Olivia told her, as she moved closer to the stretcher so she could take Amanda's hand. She held her hand until they got to the double doors towards the surgery room, when a nurse stopped her. "Sorry, mam, you can't go past these doors," she told her, but Olivia refused to let go of Amanda's hand. "I want to stay with her, I have to stay with her," Olivia protested, as she didn't want to lose her again. The nurse merely shook her head. "Sorry, mam, but only doctors and nurses can come past here – you have to wait in the waiting room. As soon as she's out of surgery, a doctor will come and talk to you. You have to let her go now, because she's losing too much blood – we need to get the bullet out before it's too late," The nurse explained. When Olivia heard the words 'too late', she let go of Amanda's hand immediately. "Keep her alive," She whispered, as she watched the nurses cart Amanda off into the surgery ward. The doors closed behind them, and Olivia stood there staring, not even noticing Donald Cragen's hand on her shoulder, pulling her towards the waiting room._

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_It seemed like hours had past – the whole time, Olivia was sitting in a seat, with her head in her hand, and refused to talk to anyone. She ignored everyone – especially those who kept talking about the fact that Amanda was strong enough to pull through. Olivia __**knew **__she was strong, and she __**knew**__ that she would pull through because of it, but it didn't stop her from thinking the worst, and nothing anyone could say would change the fact that Amanda had been shot in the chest, and had lost so much blood, that there was a chance she wouldn't make it. They hadn't seen her – only Nick had seen who much blood she had lost, but he wasn't here. He was being questioned about the shooting. Everyone else from the squad was here – Cragen, Fin, and Munch. They were all waiting patiently, waiting be told by the doctor what fate had in store for Amanda. Olivia could do nothing but keep her head in her hands, and think about nothing but how much she loved Amanda, and hoped that she would see her again, alive. _

_There was a sudden clearing of the throat, which gained the attention of Olivia. It was a sound she couldn't recognise, so she knew that it was the doctor, coming to give them the news. Olivia immediately stood up, and looked at the doctor anxiously. "Is she alright? Did she make it?" She questioned, hurriedly. The doctor held her hand up to try and stop her questions, and nodded her head, with a smile. "The bullet missed her vital organs – it took us a while to get the bullet out, but we did, and we controlled the bleeding. She had broken ribs, but they weren't from the shooting – neither were the marks on her back, or the bruises all over her body," The doctor explained, rather quietly. She paused for a second; looking from Olivia to the other detectives, then back to Olivia. "We did a rape kit – there was presence of sperm, about three days old. Her virginal area showed proof of abuse, which was why there was a large amount of blood," She told them, rather apologetically. Olivia bit her lip, trying her hardest to try not to cry. Three days. That was the day she had been taken. If only they had found her earlier. If only Olivia had stayed with her that night. If only she never told she had no feelings for her. Maybe if she hadn't, then Amanda would have been able to defend herself against her attackers. Sure they were both dead now, but everything that happened to Amanda will stay with her for the rest of her life – if she had nightmares about her attack from Murphy, how was she going to deal with this? Deal with being raped, beaten, and shot? _

"_Can I see her?" Olivia questioned, looking at the doctor. The doctor merely shook her head. "Sorry, but she's not ready to be talked too. You have to wait until she's awake. Besides – only family can see her now, visiting hours are over," The doctor explained. Olivia blinked for a second, trying to take it in. Did she think she was just a cop, here to question a victim? "I am her family. I'm her partner," Olivia responded. The doctor merely smiled. "I understand that, but even a cop needs time to recover," She said, quietly. Olivia took a step forward, Cragen watched her carefully, from where he stood. "You don't understand. She's my __**girlfriend**__," Olivia spoke, breathing out the word 'girlfriend' slowly, so she would understand it completely. The doctor took a step back, and looked at Olivia curiously. "Oh. Right. Then I suppose it's alright," She said, though her voice seemed rather uncertain. Olivia's heart quickened slightly, fighting the urge to ask her what the problem was – she knew what it. They were both females. That wasn't normal. Olivia didn't care though – all she wanted to do was see Amanda. She pushed past the doctor, and headed towards the ICU unit, and looked in every room, until she found Amanda sleeping on a hospital bed, connected to a bunch of wires, and looking quite a fright. "Oh Amanda," She whispered once again, like she did when she first saw her. She hurried over to the side of the bed, and took her hand, looking down at her apologetically. "I am so sorry… This is my entire fault," She cried, leaning down to kiss Amanda softly on her forehead. _

Amanda felt the movement around her. At first she was confused, everything seemed to be a daze – why did she feel like she had been hit with a truck? Then she remembered that she was shot. She wondered if everything was alright now, due to the fact that she could actually sense movement. She opened her eyes slowly, and saw Olivia looking down at her. _Olivia looked at her with surprise – she hadn't expected her to wake up so soon after her surgery. Perhaps it was because she could hear her voice – that was the most common reason that she could think of. _Amanda glanced at her, unsure on how to react. Was this real? Was everything that happened to her real? Or was she actually dead, and she could only see the outline of Olivia because that was who she was thinking of before she drew her last breath? _"Hello beautiful," Olivia said with a smile, as she caressed Amanda's hair. _**Nope, I'm definitely alive, **Amanda thought to herself, smiling ever so slightly at Olivia. "Hi," She whispered, unsure about how to react. She called her beautiful – does that mean she still loved her? _"Amanda, I am so sorry about everything, everything that happened was my fault – I shouldn't have left you," Olivia spoke in a hurried voice. _Amanda stared at her for a moment, trying to take it all in. **Did she mean she shouldn't have broken up with** **me, or did she mean she shouldn't have left me alone in my apartment, broken hearted? **"It's not your fault – you weren't the one who kidnapped me," Amanda said quietly, avoiding Olivia's gaze. She wasn't sure where their relationship lied – but she remembered everything Olivia had said to her, in the ambulance. She had heard everything she had said to her, to try and keep her alive and focused. Did that mean that they were together again? Like nothing happened? Amanda blinked back the tears. She didn't want to cry, because she was in pain, (though she was) but because it was hard to be near Olivia after everything that had happened. _Olivia noticed Amanda's reluctance to look at her. It broke her heart, seeing her looking away. It broke her heart even more, that she knew she had caused the tears that were threatening to come out of her eyes. "Amanda, please… What I did was wrong – but I had to do it. I had to say I didn't love you, because I was afraid about what people would think if they found out that we were together," Olivia whispered, taking Amanda's hand in her own. _Amanda listened to her carefully, but still refused to look at her. She let her take her hand, but that was because she had craved it for so long, and now she was finally getting it. "What's changed now?" Amanda questioned, wondering if anything had changed at all, or if she was just saying it to make her feel better. _"Everything – when you were missing, I realised just how much I loved you. I realised how much I wanted to see you again, hold you again, and tell you how much I love you, over and over. I couldn't bear to lose you, and I am so grateful that I found you when I did. I'll never let you go again, Amanda – I love you with all my heart, and nothing will ever change that," Olivia told her, as turned Amanda's head to make her look at her. "And I will shout it on the roof tops, to let everyone know – I don't care about who knows and what people think. I love you, and I'm sorry that I hurt you. Sorry that I left you in your apartment alone, and I'm sorry for not finding you quick enough," Olivia whispered, now blinking back her own tears. _Amanda let Olivia pull her gaze towards her. She took in all her words very carefully, listening to everything that came out of her mouth. "You'll shout it from the roof tops?" Amanda repeated, with an amused smile on her face. At least she could still smile, after everything that had happened. Perhaps it hadn't actually settled in yet, that her life was never going to be the same like it was before. _"I'll announce it over the police radio too," Olivia confirmed, with a grin. _Amanda laughed ever so slightly. "That won't be necessary – you just have to tell me again, and again," Amanda told her, putting her own hand on Olivia's face. "I love you too," Amanda commented, before placing a hungry kiss upon her lips. She had waited for this for such a long time – it was amazing to be in the same room with her again, it seemed like this time yesterday; she had no hope of ever escaping. But now she was safe, and now she was back with Olivia. _Olivia kissed her back, just as hungrily. But she wasn't kissing her too hard, in fear of hurting her. Considering what she had been through, she didn't want her kiss to seem forced; even though Olivia had also waiting a long time to do it. _

Amanda pulled back for a second, and looked at Olivia carefully. "I hate to stop this, now, but I need to know – how serious is my injuries?" Amanda questioned, as the tug of her chest caused it to ripple with pain. She winced ever so slightly, which caused Olivia to move back, alarmed. "Not your fault – I just breathed too hard," She told her, with a small reassuring smile. _Olivia breathed a sigh of relief – she didn't want to cause Amanda anymore pain than she already had, and even with that, she wished she could make it go away. "The removed the bullet – it missed all your major arteries and organs, thank god. You broke a few bones, so it's going to take a while for you to recover fully," Olivia told her, with an apologetic smile. "You're going to have a few scars on your back – you had some deep gashes," She commented. _Amanda sighed. "I knew I was damaged goods the moment I first woke up in that room… I didn't think it would be **that** bad though," Amanda confessed, feeling rather shocked that she had so many injuries.

"And the other thing?" Amanda questioned, in a mere whisper. She didn't want to say it, but she knew that Olivia would know what she was talking about. This one she was most concerned with – even with pills and other medication, there was a chance she could fall pregnant from her attack – it had been three days, and the window of opportunity to help stop it from occurring, had been long gone. _Olivia paused for a second, as she looked at Amanda cautiously. She told victims about their rape kits all the time, confirming whether there was DNA left behind, or if they were wearing a condom when they attacked them, so why was she feeling so guilty about telling Amanda? Was it because it was her girlfriend? Or was it because she blamed herself? "Positive for sperm," Olivia commented, not wanting to say anything else, just in case it really upset her. _Amanda took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "I was ovulating," She whispered, without opening her eyes. She didn't want to see Olivia's reaction. She knew what the circumstances were about her conception – she knew how personal this situation was to her. _Olivia took Amanda's hand reassuringly. "We'll talk about it if something happens," Olivia said quietly, rubbing her thumb over Amanda's hand. "Meanwhile, you need to relax, and get some rest. The doctor was already sceptical about letting me in,"_ _Olivia commented with a small roll of her eyes. _Amanda looked at Olivia, with a mere smile, glad that she hadn't been outwardly upset about it.

Amanda moved her body ever so slightly, to the side of the bed. It hurt her, but she needed to do it. "Come, sleep with me," Amanda said quietly, though she was smiling. _Olivia looked at cautiously. "What if I hurt you?" She questioned, though she took a step forward. _Amanda rolled her eyes ever so slightly. "Hurry up – nothing will hurt me more than I am already," She told her, patting down the side of the bed that had enough space for Olivia to lie down next to her. _"Okay," Olivia stated, carefully moving her body so she slide next to Amanda. Once she was settled next to her, she took Amanda's hand in her own, and Amanda put her head on her shoulder. "I love you Amanda Rollins, and don't you forget that," Olivia whispered, kissing the top of Amanda's head. _Amanda smiled as she closed her eyes. "I love you too," She answered, before finally resting her eyes to sleep.

Amanda hadn't planned her life. She didn't expect to fall in love with her partner nor did she expect to be attacked like she had. Now she just had to wait. Wait and see what her unplanned life brought her next.

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**THE END.**

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**A/N2: **Sorry guys, but that's it. They're be a sequal to this story, but when is a different question all together. I'm so busy at the moment - hence the late updates. I really hope you liked this story! Don't forget to review, and to tell your Rolivia crazed friends about this! (: xx


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